Daddy Come Get Me!

Drunk and outta work. Happy Mardi Gras!!

2011-03-09T16:58:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone, I'm here. Drunk and on the rag. You know life is just bullshit. I got fired from the club. No job now. Mr. beef jerky said he'll help me but I don't like to rely on it. What kind of man makes a living off homemade beef jerky?? It's good I like it and all, but how long is beef jerky interesting? I'm tired of bein a hoe too. I've sold my ass forever and now I'm sick of it. I think I'm sick of everything.

Mardi Gras was a lot of fun, I did make a bunch of money and then I got fired. Drunk every night on stage, shaking my ass on shaky ankles in sky high heels. It's a sway you get use to, hell I'd make a good sailor cause I got my damn sea legs!! Hahahahah, lol! Oh fuck I need more rum. Who wants me? Anyone? I need a job

Cheap paint and lumpy boobs.

2011-02-18T14:05:00.000-08:00

Everyday is such a struggle. We went to Home Depot today and I bought some miss tint paint. Mr. Beef jerky needs his kitchen painted in a bad way and be in's he's a single man, he needs a womens touch. Besides it puts me in good with him. It looks good! See I got all kinds of skills! I've been trying to get him to take me to Daytona for race week, it's so much fun! I could probably get my old job back at the Shark's Lounge for a week or so. He won't do it, he don't like to leave Louisiana. I love it here too but I am a rambler, don't like to be anywhere too long. Dancing here is piss poor unless there's tourists.

I did talk to my daddy. He wants me to come home again. I just can't live in Kentucky, there ain't nothing there for me. He said aunt Gaynelle found a lump on her boob. He said they think it's cancer, if it is I'm going home. She's the only momma I ever had. My momma left when I was a baby. Don't care to know her, anyone leave a baby and run off with a truck driver is not worth my knowin'!

Th past is coming to take me away :(

2011-02-12T06:49:00.000-08:00

It just so happens I talked to my ex-boyfriend!! The one that got me arrested for driving that stolen car??? Fuck in loser!! He wanted to come hook up with me??!!! Mr. beef jerky don't know about it or his blood pressure would go through the roof! If I didn't have bad luck I wouldn't have no luck at all! What's he think I just wait to hear from him! I can't believe him!
I'm not happy about him. He is the reason I'm a whore. I'm a dancer. Just trash. I was a happy country girl when I met him now I sell my ass or at least a hand job for pennies!! How can he try and show up on me again ! I got nothing for him, nothing of value! My oldman is gonna be pissed off! He ain't much but treats me way better then my ex this is gonna mess up my life again. He's riding a bike now. Wants to come pick me up and head out to some biker thing in south Dakota. Well I am not going!!!

It is what it is...

2011-02-07T04:19:00.000-08:00

It's a good day! Daddy's team won!!! Me, I lost the football pool at work now I need that money back! I bet $50 damn it :( oh well easy come easy go. I talked to daddy he said my cousin Jessica got a job! Her momma my aunt gaynelle, watches the baby for her, which is just fine for her she's crazy about that baby!!! They want me to come home and help babysit. They always got some reason to come home. They just don't understand. Daddy won't want me to whore it up at home and I ain't fit to work a regular job. This has been the struggle of my life. Stay at home in nowhere Kentucky, or live loose somewhere big? No sence in tryin to figure it out I've spent too long on it and I always end up like this.

Lame ass Monday.

2011-01-24T16:51:00.000-08:00

I didn't do a damn thing today. Days like this drive me nuts. I did speak to my daddy he's been drinking too much I can tell. I should have gone to the damn laundry mat today, beings I'm so lazy I had to wash some drawers in the sink and let them dry over a chair. No work tonight and not enough money to go out drinking so I suppose I'll stay home and watch the damn boob tube.
I made a new man friend, his name is Charles. He is a friend of the beef jerky man. He's sweet on me I can tell. I don't know if he knows my time has a price on it. I don't need a boyfriend, I need an old man with plenty of money. I sure could use a cold beer. If I go out I'd only have enough for two or three beers and that ain't enough.
Oh lordy it's dull like the dust today. I guess I'll sign off here and walk down to the wash-a-teria for a load of laundry and a beer anyhow, if I don't get off my ass it'll just get bigger!

I love Saturdays.

2011-01-15T20:42:00.000-08:00

Today was a good day. I had the best hot dog today. I wish I could eat hot dogs everyday. Me an Mr. beef jerky went up to the flea market. He is gonna set up a table there on the weekends to sell his beef jerky. I talked him outta $20 for some new sexy panties and some gold earrings. I'll have to wear 'em for him but I need 'em.

I work tonight. It'll be busy. Daddy sent me a funny card the other day, I wish I could go see him. The card said, "You're awesome just like your daddy!" and it had a picture of a duck. I guess you got to see it. There's no work in Kentucky for me. I've been doing this hustle so long what an I gonna do work at Burger King??? Hell I'm ruined.

I got to make rent tonight. Damn I'm still hungry. I'm getting fat. If I get to much belly I won't fit into my clothes. Even though I don't wear them a lot. Maybe I'll color my hair black?? What do you think??

2011-01-11T14:23:00.000-08:00

Hey y'all! I'm not dead!

2011-01-11T14:07:00.000-08:00

Where have I been???? Still in New Orleans, stripping and part- time prostitute. I got a couple of real good clients, one's a beef jerky maker. He's my new daddy. He also collects hub caps, but no ones got hub caps on their car anymore. My pimp is a nice guy named Johnelle. He owns a bobcat business but he hasn't run the bob cat in 6 months because it has a flat tire. I got fat eating too much after I get high. My and this guy Jim like to go out to dinner before we screw, he looks at it like a date.

Oh, guess what? Jules wont speak to me anymore. She's a Christian now. She got bit by a snake at church, that made her deaf. I love it here in New Orleans. I got three roommates, all from the club, but it's my place. Christmas was so lame, I didn't get nothing. Daddy sent me a Christmas card with $20. Aunt Gaynell sent me some crocheted slippers, so I guess that is something.

Of all the damnedest things,I had an abortion last week. I'm not really sure whose baby it was, not that it matters. I told Jimbo it was his. I thought he was gonna kick my ass. He didn't, but he didn't help me with it either. I guess I lost another client. Oh well, I worked that night and made my money back. I was a little swollen, but I made my money. Y'all must think I'm a pathetic mess.

Beef Jerky Bearle, he's good to me, even though he's older than my daddy. I don't like his beef jerky but I wouldn't tell him that. I stole a pair of shoes from one of the girls at work. They're a little bit too small, but I like em anyhow. I told John, the club manager, that I saw her doing coke in the bathroom. Beings I've been here the longest, he believed me and fired her. I sure like these new shoes.

I've been drinking a lot with my favorite bartender Peggy. She's a whore too.

Bad decisions.

2010-04-07T15:10:00.000-07:00

Time has such a way with slipping by. I've just been working and doing my thing but of course it hasn't been smooth like for most people. I met a nice guy so I thought. He was so different then the other guys I usually date. If you didn't know you'd think he was a college guy, clean cut and smart lookin'. I met him at the club I dance at, which I know is a bad idea. He was just hanging out not interested in the girls dancing, just having a beer. The way he was talkin' to the bouncer I thought he must be friends with him. So I went over and made myself seen cause he is really cute!

Anyhow, one thing led to another and .....he robbed me. Took all my money and the last beer. I should have never invited him over. I was just lonely and he didn't look like the usual losers I seem to attract. I was too embarrassed to say anything to anybody, besides you is suppose to know better then that. After I got over the embarrassment of it all I got mad and cried! He took damn near $500 from me! Plus I believed he was a nice guy! That hurt even more :( I ain't told no one so as not to start anymore trouble. Sometimes I can be so stupid!

Other then that, I been drinking too much. Being in a bar pretty near every night don't help much. New Orleans is a drinkin' place to be so I just went with that and it's making bad decisions for me. Jules said she'd be in town for Easter and I waited but she never came. I'm homesick I guess. Oh Jessica had the baby!! He is so cute and fat! I need to get home to see the baby, I know Jessica wants me to come home for a weekend but since I got robbed I got no money saved. I don't know anymore I give up on trying to figure things out!!

Dancing on the Ceiling!

2010-03-17T16:33:00.001-07:00

So I've just been gettin' settled in here. I love it! I just really love it! I'm making good money and I made a few friends. This guy Jim comes by and we'll go eat breakfast at 2 pm. He's an older man that's retired form the post office, I danced for him about a dozen times before he asked me out for dinner. I told him "dinner I'm busy, but I like breakfast!" After that we just decided to be friends and now I don't make as much money off him, but I do have a good friend.

Dancing has got me back into good shape. You should see my legs!! Makes me feel good about myself, I know this job ain't suppose to do that but it does. I went to Metairie and did some shopping, got some shoes as always. It was fun to be out there just doing for myself. I tried to color my hair the other day with my other new friend, Lisa. She works at this bar I stop at on the way home from work. We're a lot alike, so we hit it off pretty good. We got a little drunk and tried to make my hair darker and now I look like Elvira. It looks good at night in a dark bar but during the day I like silly. Oh well not the first time that's happened!

Daddy calls me everyday, he's always worried about me. He thinks I'm gonna get back doing drugs again. I'm not trying to get mixed up again like that. No one is ever gonna just believe me when it comes to drugs, they'll always double guess me. Jessica said Terri has been talking shit about me, saying I'm a crackhead. That makes me so angry! I'm not getting in to this right now, I've got a good day going and some new shoes to wear!

Hey y'all, I'm back!

2010-02-27T17:18:00.000-08:00

I know it's been a minute but I'm doing good! Me and Jules were traveling and I haven't been on the computer in so long I almost forgot how to type!! She picked me up and we are in New Orleans!!! We had a blast during Mardi Gras and I got a neck full of beads! I wandered into a titty bar on Bourbon St. and got myself a job!!! I know, I know it's not the best of places or careers but I'm making my own money and I got a small apartment off Magazine St. and I'm doing real good!! No drugs, no nothing like that just hustlin' paper in high heals and loving every minute of it!!

Daddy wasn't thrilled with my choice but If I'm not high and I'm working he's okay with it. Jessica is still a little mad at me for not staying in Kentucky but hell, I feel like I found where I'm suppose to be. I've always loved New Orleans but this visit here just put everything in place! I got the job, made $500 in just a few days, and got this apartment from one of the girls that worked with me! She had to leave town and needed someone to take over her lease. Easy enough!!! Jules is going back and forth to see Sam and she helped me get some stuff from Daddy's house to make my apartment look a little more like home. I finally got my computer set up and here I am! Woo wee I haven't had this much to do in a long time!!

I bought new nipple rings that glow in the dark!! Hot neon pink, with a pink thong and silver 5' heels!! I'm so cute in this get up!!! My stage name is "Holly" this week but it changes to suit my mood! Me and the black girls get along great, the other white girls are either chicken head crack hoe's or just mean bitches. Some girl tried to set me up with her pimp! No, not ever doing that game again!! Damn I have come a long way, remember when I got down with that?? Never again!!! I'll be okay this time, I'm feeling good and I'm strong, stronger then I've ever been in my whole life! Be good at something even if it's just being a stripper I'm good at it!

Jules is comin'!

2010-01-19T19:29:00.000-08:00

Today was a good day, I spent half of it on the phone with Jules. She's coming to stay a week with me!! I need a week with Jules to pick up my spirits. She always makes me laugh!! We talked about going down to New Orleans for Mardi Gras!! Can you picture me at Mardi Gras???? Holy shit!! I've been to New Orleans before but not for Mardi Gras, I was there on my way to Las Vegas.

I did laundry while I was on the phone, mine and daddy's then over to Aunt Gaynelle's and did hers and Jessica's. Aunt Gaynelle will pay me $15 for it and I need that for beer money. I can't wait for Jules to get here I want to go on our trip so bad! Jessica loves the baby clothes I'm redoing for her. She put a sleep shirt on a little hanger and hung it on a hook on her wall by her bed. So sweet:) It makes me feel helpful.

I'm going out tonight to this little bar near Bobby Jack's house. Terri's gonna be up there shootin' pool for money and I guess I'll hang out with her. I'll know half if not all the people up there anyhow so there will be someone to talk to. I get so tired of just sitting here smoking cigarettes and watching TV. Trixie needs to be fed so I'll take care of that and cook daddy his pork chops. Maybe daddy will give me some money for beer? He'll most certainly give Trixie the bones!

$1 Lingerie

2010-01-17T11:35:00.000-08:00

Howdy from Kentucky....

This places wears on you like tight corduroys, rough. I sit and smoke cigarettes and look forward to drinking beer on the porch. Today I'll cook for daddy again but Aunt Gaynelle is going to dinner at Jimmy's mommas house. Their all looking forward to the baby now. I ain't looking forward nothing. Of course the baby being born but that's 3 months away. Danny's having a blast in Orlando, he said he guessed all along Jessica was pregnant. I wish I was with Danny having fun. I did get to go to the dollar store today. Did you know they sell $1 lingerie? Of all things to buy for a dollar!

Trixie is gonna be my dog I think. Daddy's friend found work up in Virginia and won't be back for three months. I like her anyway. I'm sick of the damn cold too. I think I'm just sick of everything. Bobby Jack stopped by with a bag of baby clothes for Jessica, his momma made him bring them over. I borrowed Aunt Gaynelle's sewing machine and I'm redoing some of them to make them new. It's all I can do for her right now. I'll get some embroider thread and stitch baby on them so they are special. I'd make such a good wife If I could stand a man!!

The water has settled, the stream is clear.

2010-01-14T17:23:00.000-08:00

Well things around here are getting back to normal. Jessica finally come out of her room and cried to me and her momma till she was sure we still loved her. It's okay now, we'll take care of the baby as long as she stays in school. Jimmy's momma was upset at first too, that's the baby daddy. She's okay now too, looking forward to a new baby in the Spring. It's still a shock, I mean hell, she's ain't but 16! Terri is trying to organize a baby shower for her at the Pizza Hut Jessica works at. Something simple, with her girlfriends. I'm gonna make paper butterflies to decorate with, learned how to do that in high school before I dropped out.

I tried to get a job today at this BBQ place in Lexington. They're always so busy and I figured they'd be hiring waitress's but they said they was just taking applications. I'm never gonna get a damn job! The Pizza Hut where Jessica works ain't hiring, no place is I swear I've been everywhere! Jessica said her friend Monique got a job working with a temporary service going to different places everyday. Sounds like my kinda work, so I'm going there tomorrow. I need money and I have got to find a job!

A babies to hold, a beer to put down.

2010-01-11T18:14:00.000-08:00

Hello beer. I just thought we should spend some time together. We need to stop meetin' up like this, you are no good for me!

I'm not too drunk to write a quick note about yesterday. Everyone came over for dinner which was delicious, anyhow Terri showed up and acted like a bitch and I had been drinking and I told her how I felt about the pickle thing from Christmas. She'd been drinkin' and to make along story short we almost fought. Then Terri said something smart about Jessica gaining weight and the next thing we all know Jessica ended up telling us she's 6 months pregnant! Oh lordy, lordy my baby is having a baby! You know she's not really my baby, she's really Terri's baby but Aunt Gaynelle raises her as her daughter. This is the kinda shit that people talk about saying white trash or hillbillies or redneck country people!

So needless to say I've been drunk since this news come out. Daddy just shook his head and walked outside. We all had such high hopes for Jessica. My beer fills and empties and the truth of the matter is nothing has changed. Jessica won't talk to anyone, she's been in her room since last night. The good thing about this is we all got a baby to look forward too! A baby that needs all of us to grow up!

So sometime tonight I'll stop drinking, walkover to Aunt Gaynelle's and talk to Jessica. We're all gonna be alright. We can raise this baby, and she can still be everything she was looking forward to being. Maybe this is just what I need to grow up! Is this why I'm here?

Sunday dinner planed.

2010-01-10T09:25:00.000-08:00

Spending time here is making me go crazy. Last night I charged up my phone and tried to call Bill the guy I met in Texas with the RV. His phone rang and rang and when a girl picked up she seemed bothered when I asked for Bill. She quickly told me he was asleep and if I was one of his "whores" to lose his number! Jumpin' beans I was just calling to say hello! Was I one of his whores? I never slept with Bill??? We had dinner and I did his laundry! I'm calling him again today and see if I can catch him instead of his new girlfriend who seems to have a real problem with something! Boy I wish women like that would do that kind of thing in person! So brave behind a phone!

Trixie has been keeping me company. She lays on my feet and keeps them warm and I scratch her ears. I love dogs all animals really. Daddy helped one of his friends butcher a hog a few weeks back and for his help daddy got a nice pork roast. I'm gonna fix that today with some sweet potatoes, black eyed peas, okra and tomatoes and biscuits. Makes me so hungry just talking about it! Is this the simple life what I am, what I need to expand a little and just call my own? Collect the good days in a jar add a job, some friends, maybe a boyfriend and I'm set right?? Today I'm not letting it get me down, I'll look up and see what is fun about today and be happy with it. Just that.

Advice from the ladies room.

2010-01-08T16:20:00.000-08:00

I saw the counselor today. It depressed me. She says I can't feel as deeply for things anymore because I've used up my dopamine. It's some brain juice that makes you happy and cocaine and meth rob that from you. Great one more thing about me is used up :( I feel stupid and trashy. This lady was dressed so nice and I looked like a fool to her. I'm not going back, I'd rather not know why things are the way they are then go through that again.

Bobby Jack came over last night. We finished a 12 pack and talked about things from the past. I've known him all my life, he's comfortable in the same way an old marriage is. You may not be happy together but it's familiar and predictable. He wanted to have sex but it's one more thing I just don't feel anymore. Why on earth would I have sex with him? He just thinks of himself like all men and I don't want that anymore. Even the body heat wasn't reason enough!

Jules has just about pissed me off. I found out she's smoking crystal and working the Richmond area. Sam has no idea. He'll go to bed and off she goes to town to trick and party and what pisses me off the most is I'm not with her. Lord how I miss the fast life. It takes so much to live it, but the experiences are the best of my life. The dreams of cocaine and crack and drinking are starting to creep up and haunt me again. A good friend reminded me of how every time I leave home all I want to do is get back here. She's right, and I cannot for the life of me figure out why. Is it Daddy? Jessica? This old raggedy trailer? Why can't I find my way.

What's left of my heart.

2010-01-05T15:10:00.000-08:00

Oh lord my heart weighs heavy. I say Bobby Jack. I guess I'll never not love him. Even though he put me through hell, when I see him I feel like I'm walking on the moon. We spent all day together, just talking catching up and when he left I cried. Maybe it was just nerves, but it felt good. He said he never meant to hurt me and he left me in jail because it kept me away from him and since he was smoking crack, and got me smoking crack, he thought I was safer in jail.

No one has ever loved me but Bobby Jack and daddy of course. He still does I can tell, but he's no good for me. I know this but I can't help but think of him constantly. I tried to call Jules but her damn phones been busy for an hour. Danny said to be strong and just ignore my feeling, it's just not gonna happen. Danny said he's no good either at least not for me.

Taking off to Florida was suppose to be a new life for me and Bobby and it ended up being the worse thing ever. We were going to get married and have a baby. My mind sure was messed up. I've been through so much since then and I feel like I've grown up and matured but seeing him brings me right back. I'll always love him. No one can take his place.

Hanging out with Trixie.

2010-01-03T09:43:00.000-08:00

It's so cold outside. All there is to do is stay by the fire. My daddy's friend Tommy brought his dog over here to stay while he's in Virginia looking for work. So now I'm a dog sitter. She's a good dog, I talk to her probably more then I should. Her name is Trixie, it suits her.

Today I'm making chicken and rice for daddy. Aunt Gaynelle is coming over too probably with Jessica for dinner later. It's a cold dull Sunday and this life here is getting old fast. It always does. I could do this for the next 50 years and die or get out and do something. Right now I'd get up and go if I could. I need to talk with my Aunt Gaynelle, she makes since to me. Daddy always just wants me to stay. How can he be so happy just doing the same thing over and over again? Why can't I?

"New" is in the air.

2010-01-01T23:47:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! It was an easy night nothing to extreme. I did speak to Terri about why she felt it necessary to give out pickles after I went to all the trouble to do it first. Of course she claim to not know nothing about me doing pickles. Whatever, you can't believe nothing coming out of her mouth. She's just a bitch, family or not.

I stayed here for New Years. We got a bottle of Jack Daniels and shared it with daddy's friend Tommy. I've known him since I was a little girl. I can't believe he still drinks like he does. Jessica came by for a bit before going to a youth party up at the church she goes to. Now I know it's cold outside and and we all like to bundle up, but Jessica is awfully big lately and wears her boyfriends clothes a lot. Do you know what I'm thinking?? If she is I think it'll upset Aunt Gaynelle to the fullest. Her hopes lay in that child since Terri turned out so bad. I think I'll mention something to Jessica, she's close to me and may just need someone to be there for her.

I wish Jules would come on and see me. Sam bought her a new car for Christmas and when she gets here I'm going with her wherever she's going. I can't find a job, and I need to do something anything at this point. Danny says not to worry but I'm a do now, think later kinda girl. I guess it's my biggest problem that and men, drugs, workin' and money!

One less turkey.

2009-12-27T08:35:00.000-08:00

Oh Christmas was fun!!! I ended up with the most presents!!! Who would of thought that? I figured I was the bad girl and wasn't really expecting a thing. Daddy got me some jeans and a few nice tops, Aunt Gaynelle got me panties, bras and some soft fuzzy slippers, and my baby cousin Jessica got me a beautiful Angora sweater!! I felt so cheap passin' out jars of pickles :(

Terri pissed me off, she saw I was making pickles and then she started making pickles. Now how you gonna go and do what someone else is doing and give out the same gifts? How ridiculous? She's a bitch like that and I know were all suppose to be loving and thoughtful right now but she knew I was doing that and for her to turn around and make pickles as gifts was wrong. She did watermelon rind pickles which were so delicious, everyone got so happy when they saw those. Is it petty for me to still be mad about that?

Danny went back to Orlando to see his man. I miss him so. Jules never made it on Christmas but will be here for New Years she promised, Sam got here a new car! Wow, what a gift!! His family is so angry! It was a nice day over all, Aunt Gaynelle did most of the cooking, I made the mac & cheese and the corn bread, she did the turkey, green bean casserole and the sweet potatoes. Jessica's boyfriend got her a pretty little promise ring, young love is so sweet. I wish it could always be like that. Today and the rest of the week is just easy time. I need a boyfriend, someone to drink a beer with. I'm lonely now that Danny left.

I'm in a pickle.

2009-12-21T18:30:00.000-08:00

Ho, ho, ho! Christmas is so close now I'm getting real excited! I went up to the Wal mart and bought some stuff to make pickles and I canned them for Christmas presents. I used my food stamp card and bought everything I needed except the jars which Aunt Gaynelle's got plenty of. Everybody loves bread and butter pickles and dill pickles. I'm doing pickled okra too, and I love that! Look at me such a busy bee!

Danny and me went to Dairy Queen today. I tried to get a job there. They're just taking applications. I can not find a damn job, I've applied everywhere. Back at the bunny ranch I was making $2,000-$3,000 a week, now I'm washing laundry for cigarettes. How is it that life swings back and forth so?? Daddy watches me, he thinks I'm gonna split on him again. I'm trying so hard not to go up to the freeway and stick my thumb out and take a ride to anywhere. I've done that every time life gets me down.

Leftover nachos.

2009-12-17T16:49:00.000-08:00

I'm so sick of being broke. Not having money is what causes me to think about ways to get it fast, fast money is always bad! I heated up the leftover nachos for daddy that we had last night, I sliced some nice tomatoes and he made a sandwich. I'm not hungry I can't stop my mind from racing. I've smoked my whole pack of cigarettes and I need more. I'll run up to the store in a bit.

Life is just so fucking slow here. Nothing, nothing, nothing changes. I called Jules today, she and Sam are going to Miami soon. I ain't never been there. Anything that girl wants she gets. Makes me crazy, how do I miss these guys?? Jessica has a nice boyfriend too, they are in such puppy love it's so cute. I feel left out sometimes, I sure did love Bobby Jack and I think about the fact that his birthday is coming up and how I remember his birthday and I don't even know most of my family's members birthdays!! Oh well, some poetry guy said "it is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all" I think that is pure bullshit.

I'm taking pictures again!! I sure did miss that cute little camera I had back in Florida but now I'm using Jessica's and it works great. It's one of my hobbies, I take picture all the time, over and over and of everything! Jessica remembered that and brought me her camera and said to get back to taking pictures, so I am! She is so special to me. I love her and Aunt Gaynelle so much.

So many trees.

2009-12-15T18:10:00.000-08:00

I couldn't sleep last night. I stayed up till damn near 5 am cleaning and organizing stuff, then I made a pot of coffee and just stayed up till daddy got up. I slept a little today but not but about 30 minutes. I met a nice guy at the BBQ, his name is Trevor. He's a black hairdresser from Detroit. He wants to fix my hair up, which I am all for!!

Spending my days around the house is getting old. I need to do something before I end up with time on my hands and you know where that leads. I want to get a job, I know Walmart won't hire me 'cause I'm a felon. It sucks to know I can't be President of the United States over that damn car we drove to Florida!!! Daddy said I should start a house keeping service, yawnnnn. Hell no I don't want to do that either. This is why I always leave Kentucky there is no work here. He said to stop looking for the forest and just see the trees. Strong statement I heard all my life that took nearly all my life to understand.

Last nights party was fun but I wouldn't mind meetin' some guys who like to date women! Even though I know it's a bad idea I haven't met anyone who could be my future ex-husband in a long time! What would I wear if I went out I have nothing but rags? Oh, speaking of wearing rags, Jessica has worn the same ugly sweatshirt for a damn week. It's her boyfriends and I know she's in love and all but I got to say this, I think she's pregnant. Now it's just my head thinking and that it could be nothing, but she has gained about 25 lbs, she is always tired, and is always covered up. Oh lord my thought better be wrong on this one my Aunt Gaynelle don't need anymore mouths to feed!

Catfish, coleslaw and cheese grits!!

2009-12-14T18:35:00.000-08:00

One more day closer to Christmas! I am excited about it this year! Me and Danny Parker got a small tree out of he woods today and decorated it by the front window. It looks so pretty and sparkly there glowing with joy. I haven't decorated a tree in years, it makes me feel good. We had dinner tonight me and Daddy and Danny at this place up by town called Shelly's Fish House I had fried catfish and coleslaw and grits with cheese, damn it was so good. Life isn't as bad as I thought it would be here.

I talked on the phone with Jules. She's coming to see me on Christmas day. I'm looking forward to that!! Danny can't wait to see her too, he said he really missed us! We had so much fun in Daytona and I would live there in a minute. If I had never hooked up with that idiot tow truck driver I'd probably still be there. The weather there was so nice, sure would beat this cold damn weather!

Up out of now where today Danny asked me if I ever think about who my momma is? What a crazy question??? He knows I have never known her, she has never known me and I suppose we'll keep it that way. Even though from time to time I wonder about her. Anyhow, tomorrow I'm going to go see if I can get me and daddy on food stamps. We could use that money spent on food to get one of these trucks on his property running for me. I want to get a job, pay my own way. This computer Danny "made" me isn't so bad, it works pretty good. I love my friends.

Christmas shopping with Terry and Jessica :)

2009-12-09T19:02:00.000-08:00

Well of all things I've been Christmas shopping! Me and my cousin Terry who use to be a terrible crystal meth monster, has gone clean and is doing real good! Terry is Jessica's older sister, Aunt Gaynelle's first born girl. Anyway, we went up to Sears to get some Christmas presents and daddy some new work pants. He likes their pants the best and if anyone goes to the mall he'll get you to pick him up a few pairs because you all know daddy is not going to the mall! He gave me $50 and said I could have the rest so I found some perfume for Aunt Gaynelle and while Jessica wasn't looking I got a pair of earrings she'll just love! Then we went to Pizza Hut for lunch. It was a nice normal day nothing like the craziness I've been through lately.

Later today I'm going to a Christmas party with Danny. He found some other gay people just up the road in Lexington and they hit it off pretty good. It's a Disco/BBQ and y'all know I love BBQ! Danny is the funniest, he made perverted Christmas cookies for this party. I do not know where you would find a penis shaped cookie cutter but they do sell them and he found it! I guess it'll keep you from eating too many cookies! I told him I'd bring deviled eggs, I make some real good deviled eggs!!!

Now I know you'll think I'm nuts but I called Bobby Jack's momma. She was always good to me and just because he did me wrong doesn't mean I should not speak to his momma. I seen her at the Wal Mart but she didn't see me, I just ducked behind the kitty liter and she walked by. Her phone number is still the same, hell it's been the same for 40 years so I called her. She apologized for her son over and over, it's not her fault he's an abusive piece of garbage??!!! Maybe it is? I don't know but this time of the year makes you want to heal your past as much as you can. She said Bobby is doing pretty good, he broke up with that nice girl who worked at the bank, why he'd do that I don't know she was a good catch for him. No, I'm not interested I can tell what you're thinking. You know I do not want that man again! Once you spend 30 days in jail over some loser that pretty much wets the fire!!

Guess what?????

2009-12-08T15:17:00.000-08:00

Today has been such a good day! Danny Parker is here at his mamma's house! We spent all day talking like girls and catching up from where we left off. He even went through his closet at his mamma's house and helped to put together this computer so I can write more. He thinks it's a good idea that I keep my fingers busy! His boyfriend in Orlando, is wanting to get married and it's all just moving too fast so he came home to clear his head and decide if that's what he wants with his life. He just come out the damn closet why would he settle on the first man that comes long? Besides, trying to tell Mrs. Parker what two men are doing married is not something anyone is trying to explain!

I feel so good here at home. Everyone has a home and if you are away from it too long you'll really start to break down. I did too, all over the country it seems. Daddy knows I've been out there a mess on the street, into drugs, with stranger and who knows what else but he just looks at me and sees his baby girl and that balances everything out. I might have been a 'hoe to get by, and I am an addict, but I am a daughter, an Aunt and a good friend. He hugs me and tells me "it'll be okay baby, just keep your chin up" and then everything is fine.

It's been so nice to see my cousin Jessica too. He gained some weight since I was here last but that's okay it'll keep the boys off her I hope. She's been dating this boy who's big into the FFA the Future Farmers of America, for sometime. He's a good boy from here with a good family, not a drug user or nothing like that. Jessica is so sweet she said when she gets her paycheck from Pizza Hut she's buying some hair dye and she's gonna "wash that grey right outta my hair" I told her I earned every damn one of them grey hairs !! She's a trip!

I'm doing so good and I really feel like myself again. Thank you everyone who reads this, ya'll really keep me going. Yes, this constant craziness is real, it's my life and it is for real 100%. I get a lot of lookie-loos wanting to know what's up with me and if I'm real. I figured I'd share that little bit. Happy Holidays my friends =)

Home again :)

2009-12-04T19:09:00.001-08:00

Hello again. I'm in Kentucky and I am fine. What a struggle I went through to get here this time. I spent Thanksgiving at my Aunt Gaynelle's house. It was so nice and everything tasted so good. I finally made it home the night before Thanksgiving. This nice lady picked me up, I was hitchhiking and freezing all the way to the bone and this nice lady gave me a ride all the way home. I was so dirty I don't know how she would stop for me but thank you Jesus that she did!

Daddy isn't mad at me anymore. He'll love me no matter what. This time I want to get help, for real this time. Everyone looked at me funny, they knew I had been a hooker which is trash in their eyes. Hell I got to agree with them! I feel like trash! The nightmares come a lot about that girl I met at the campfire. I just got to where I could use the Internet again and I looked up murders in that area and I couldn't find nothing. I'm going to the clinic next Wednesday there's a shrink I'm gonna talk to. Maybe he can help me get better.

Detox is no joke. I was shaky and sick and just nasty feelin'. I smoked cigarettes till I was sick, but today I'm better. Not as sick and not like I was. Things are gonna be good, this time I'm making the most out of this time at home. I haven't smoked crack since that night and I'm sticking by it this time.

The unusual angel.

2009-11-05T19:53:00.000-08:00

Today I talked to a woman who watched another woman kill a man. She showed up at the camp behind the truck stop sometime before dawn. I listened to her talk from my blanket by the tree for a good thirty minutes before I got up and went and joined the others by the fire. She was rambling and talking non-stop in directions we couldn't keep up with mostly. She was for sure crazy, but I believed her when she spoke of what she had seen.

My life is broken glass all over a hard floor, but hell this girl my never be right again. She didn't speak directly to me for hours but as the others left the camp and the sun got higher I became her only friend. Some lady at this crack house hit a man with a pipe wrench for no clear reason. All she could say was how it come out of nowhere, nothing started this fight it was like something snapped. This girl watched her boyfriend hold the man that was hit, he was dieing and bleeding to death in his hands. Her boyfriend laid him down and the blood run out of him like a spigot. She said she was so scared she couldn't move, her boyfriend drug him outside to the edge of the woods and told her to go get something to bury him with. Instead she ran, from which direction I don't know. That's when she lost it and layed down and cried and cried. I brushed the hair out of her eyes and in no time she was sleeping.

When you start your day with that it's a true sign. I covered her with the old blanket I had put a bottle of water I had by her side. Then I called my daddy. We talked for near two hours, he told me he couldn't send another ticket he didn't have anymore money. I'm getting out of here anyway possible today. I will not go back to that camp. I can help myself. I'll write again as soon as I can hopefully from Kentucky. That women will be the reason I never smoke crack again.

The rut of the hustle.

2009-11-02T17:10:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time I know, today I just got to where I could got on the Internet again. Daddy sent me a ticket but I cashed it in and got high for three days. Jules stole money from Sam, he didn't really notice what we were doing at first. He goes to bed early and all. Then we just partied and partied until Jules almost lost her place to stay and she's got it made for sure. So I left in the middle of the night and hitched a ride here, just trying to get to Kentucky.

Arrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhh....my life makes me so tired. I've been sleeping out behind this truck stop somewhere near Brookville, Pennsylvania. Yes, I'm working the men that come through here. I don't know how else to get by. I mean I do, I can make money other ways but this is what I'm doing now. Sad ain't it? All my plans are out the window. All I'm cut out for is hustlin'. I'm going home for Thanksgiving. I haven't talked to daddy in two weeks. He knows what's going on, and I'm too embarrassed to do anything about it.

I sit by the fire and imagine myself in all the places I was happy and try to figure out how it keeps going wrong. It's not just the drugs it's the first step I take towards the drugs. What causes me to give up my comforts for risks?

Stoned..............

2009-10-13T18:42:00.000-07:00

Today was really fun. I smoked a joint with Jules right when we first woke up. We were silly all day. I still feel goofy! Daddy sent me a bus ticket, I leave two days before Halloween. I don't want to go. Jules wants to come with me but she's got it so made where she's at. If I go home I might see Bobby Jack and I don't ever want to do that again.

I talked to Jessica. She is looking forward to me coming home. She's been workin' part time at the Pizza hut up by the high school. Saving her pennies to go on that class trip to New York city. I told her I'd help her get the money when I get home. I hold hope for her. Her older sister Terry is a meth head who is here there and everywhere. I don't want her to think of me like that. I'm going home this time and show everyone how much I've changed for the good. Even if I did smoke a little weed today ;)

Headin' to Kentucky again, hope this time it's home.

2009-10-06T20:30:00.000-07:00

Here I am again. This time I'm spending in Virginia is making me want to go home so bad but I am not so sure Jules is wanting to go. She likes being here with Sam and she has it made. All we have to say is go and he's ready. We're always going out to dinner or lunch. It's fun but my belly is gettin' too big!! I'm not even thinking about drugs :)

I told Jules about everything I remember from when I was in Orlando and Black had me working the streets. That was my rock bottom. She said that her and Danny looked everywhere for me and no one would say anything. Everybody Jules showed my picture too said they hadn't seen me, even people who she knows knew something about me. It makes me a little sad to know I was so disposable.

Daddy and I talk everyday. He's so proud of me for not doing drugs and getting my life back in order. He said I don't need to travel with Jules I can be her friend and still come home. So I think that's what I'll do. I am losing that feeling I had in Texas were I felt good about taking care of myself on my own. Sam is too generous and I feel bad living off him. I'm going home next week. Daddy is sending me a bus ticket. One more trip, one more day on the road. Will I find what I've been looking for all along at home this time?

Fancy living is not the life for me.

2009-09-27T18:21:00.000-07:00

I am sooo full!! We had lasagna for dinner tonight and I am about to pop. Sam brought out some fancy red wine to go with it but I'm not really a wine drinker. Me and Jules got a 12 pack and actually poured them into glasses for dinner. This life is not for me. Fancy living and big houses are nice but I feel like the housekeeper not a guest.

Daddy and I talked for damn near an hour. Sam says I can use the phone anytime, he has an unlimited long distance plan. I have never been in such a home. Hell me and daddy didn't have a phone most of the time! Daddy said to enjoy the time here, nothing lasts forever. He had been drinking I could tell. I had been drinking too, but not that much. He drinks every night, It's a way of life for him. It would be accepted If I spent the rest of my life drinking, rehab told me alcohol is a drug too.

I wrote to my cousin Jessica. Daddy said her class trip this year is to New York, aunt Gaynelle just doesn't have the money to send her. I really want her to go on that trip. She needs to see there is more to this world then Kentucky. I will do whatever it takes to get her that money for that trip. No, not that but I want to go home and get a job and make the money the right way. I told her to look for me to come home sometime in the next two weeks. Jessica is my hope in this world, the closet I'll ever have to a child. I can't wait to see her.

Decisions, decisions...

2009-09-26T19:27:00.000-07:00

Oh my lord I am horse in the throat! Jules and me have been talking like high school girls for three days!!! She is talking to me seriously about going back to Nevada and working at the bunny ranch again. I kinda want to go but I got a warrant, for prostitution. I was too embarrassed to go to court for that in the first damn place. She said she could talk Sam out of some plane ticket money. I don't know about that. I need to see my daddy first.

We tried to call Danny but his phone number was out of service. Jules doesn't have a new number for him and I don't want to call Mrs. Parker, his momma for it. She still thinks I'm the devil for leading him away from her. He would have never left his momma and gone out in this world if I hadn't talked him into it. If I get to Kentucky, my daddy will make me go talk to her and I don't think I should tell her about him bein' gay and living with a man in Orlando. Hell I don't know what he's told her anyhow. Back to having a lot to worry about! Texas was so much easier then this.

I'm going to go outside tonight after everyone goes to sleep and stare at the stars. Just look through the clouds and at the moon and relax. I have to lay out the next steps and with Jules yappin' in my ear I don't want to make the wrong step. Why is life like a mine field?

The Rocky Mountains are breath taking!

2009-09-24T19:22:00.001-07:00

Oh my lord I am so tired! I haven't slept since leavin' Texas me and Jules have been so busy catching up. Staying at Sam's house has been real good for her, she's been eating good and is overall in better health. Jules has diabetes even though she won't admit to it. She told me Danny Parker stayed in Orlando and is doing great living with a guy he's in love with! He's in school and is doing real good.

Jules says Sam will buy her whatever she wants and she just tends to his needs. He's too old for sex but sure loves her company and her silly side. She tells him dirty jokes and plays hide and go seek in his big house. I keep tellin' her she's Anna Nicole Smith, which she says is not funny! Depends on which side of the joke you're on. She knows how to get by without it ever looking like she's using someone. I haven't figured out how to do that yet. I didn't tell Thomas I was leaving Texas. Just left the tent like it was with the phone he gave me next to a note of thanks and good wishes for him. He was there for me and that I'll never forget but our time together was over.

Tomorrow is french toast day. Sam says we both got to get up early and have coffee with him on the back deck. It's beautiful and overlooks the mountains, such a nice view to start the day. I'm starting over once again, with two good feet and a head full of good intentions. Please don't let them take me back to hell!

Good bye Texas! I'll sure miss you :)

2009-09-22T16:51:00.000-07:00

I've been talking to Jules!!! She's coming to get me! Even though Texas has been a lot of fun, and it rehabed me like no other place has it's not my home and I need to get back to it. She's driving this way now from Virginia and we'll be here sometime in the next few hours. I got a small bag packed, that's all I'm taking.

I went and told Bill I was leavin' and Miss Venus the curtain lady. Bill was so nice he told me to take his number and if he's ever in Kentucky he'll call me and have me out for spaghetti. That's so nice to know there's a man out there that's interested in just your company nothing else! I'll be strong this time, I will not fall back into a comfortable pattern of self destruction. I'm not a working girl anymore!!!!

Jules told me she's been layin' low too. Sam is her "new" "boy" friend. He's near 75, has a full bank account and a taste for reliving his youth he lost by working everyday of his life till he retired. She says he's a lot of fun but I don't know if she was just sayin' that cause he could hear her or not. They go bowling and eat out almost every night. His family is worried about him of course because his new girlfriend is 27 years old and an obvious hustler. I figure someone of that age knows what he's doing, been around long enough to decide what he wants to do and can do whatever he wants with his money! She talked about his house and his dog the kind of life she would like to have had as a girl. Jules had a rough time growing up, no father around, mother was a big mess, unstable home or none at all. Jules is always looking for her daddy. I can't wait to see her :)

Texas has been so good to me. I will never forget how humble a tent in a campground in the middle of summer in Arlington, Texas has made me. Sometimes in life you need some humbling, before this I found it in jail! I wasn't locked up in Texas, I am free. Free to be what's right and clear to choose what's best. I know right from wrong and I have proven to myself to be strong enough now to do the right thing even if it's damn hard.

Daddy talked to Jules!!!

2009-09-15T17:41:00.000-07:00

Oooooh, the wet weather is making me crazy. I'm trapped here when it rains. Everything is wet and mildewy. Bill has been very private lately. I don't know if he just wants his space or if he's afraid I'm trying to get closer. I'm really not, hell Bill has no idea about me.

Anyway, this is awesome news Jules talked to my daddy!!!!! She's in West Virginia with this old man she met on-line. She's still on the hustle, everyday and every night. She'll never change. Daddy said she left a number for me to call and I really want to but that life is not what I want anymore. This one here ain't it either but I can say at least I'm not a 'ho! Daddy is good, doing the same thing he's done for the last 20 years. He's happy and that really is what matters.

After I wrap this up I'm going to call Jules and catch up with her. She'll make me laugh and that's what I need right now. Never a dull moment with her, even though I just recently found out some dull moments can down right fun :)

Sew simple and happy about it ;)

2009-09-11T18:04:00.000-07:00

Guess what I found myself doing??? Sewing! Of all things this lady that lives in a nice trailer just a few spots over from me asked if I would help her with some sewing. I've used a sewing machine before with my Aunt Gaynelle, so I had some experience. She just needed me to hem a nightgown for her and fix an old curtain that she wanted put up in her kitchen. It was nice to be needed. She fixed us some lunch and we talked about her family that lives in Minnesota. They all think she needs to come back home and stay with them and be looked after all the time. We share that in common. Hell we're both grown women who can decide for ourselves, she just happens to be almost 80. Just goes to show how some things change and some stay the same.

This campground is the most comfortable and uncomfortable place I've ever stayed at. Anytime your living in a tent it pretty much sucks, but the simple living, lack of hustle, and drugs in my life make me clear and happy. I'm the youngest person here I think, everyone is so friendly which I enjoy. Thomas came by to see me last night we laid in the tent and talked about his business trip and his wife just blah, blah, blah for a while. We really are friends I guess. I told him how much I miss Jules and my daddy. Thomas likes having me so close so whenever he needs someone I'm here just waiting on him. Well at least he thinks that! I'll take off from here soon, when it's time, I'll know. He gave me $100 it feels like a million. What will I buy? Bill and I eat dinner together a lot so I don't really need food, a bus ticket is less then $100????? I just don't know. This is the freest I've ever been. Everyday I wake up with the idea that I got 24 hours to just do whatever, and that whatever hasn't been drugs!

Daddy was in a good mood today. He could tell how happy I was after I told him about the curtains I helped make today. He said I need to be doing stuff like that, crafty stuff. Miss Venus said anytime I wanted to use her sewing machine she'd let me. I'm into that!! I went on and on to daddy about the afternoon I spent with her. He wants me to come home and told him I would when I was ready. He's happy to hear I'm not smoking crack or meth. I want to be free of that, drugs ruined so much of my life I don't want them to take another second of it! I swear I'd rather sweat in a tent in Arlington, Texas with mosquitos and frogs in my ears then ever be a prostitute again.

Band aids.

2009-09-06T11:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was really fun and that good mood carried right through the night. Bill went to the Wal-mart again and I rode with him. We shopped around he likes my company, I also had clipped some coupons for him saved him damn near $15! It's fun hangin' with him, it's like having another father. He don't want sex from me, just female company. I told him to buy dryer sheets so his towels won't feel like sandpaper. He wondered how his wife always had the laundry soft and smelling good, he had no idea it was something as easy as a dryer sheet!?!?! He talks about her a lot, I know he misses her everyday.

After the trip to Wal-mart I made spaghetti for dinner. I make good spaghetti, but everyone says that. Hard to mess up spaghetti, although once I saw at a truck stop diner BBQ spaghetti, which just sounds nasty. Bill told me I was too young to spend every night in a trailer park swatin' flies, so he wanted to take me somewhere anywhere he said! Well, I figured this bar I'd seen in the paper was doing a live band show, sounded like fun so that's where I went. I only had $10 so I was flirtin' for drinks. Worked pretty good, I just drank cause that's what you do in a bar hold a cold one. I watched the band and let them just carry me away, it was nice to hear old songs I could sing to and just let the sound pass through me. I stayed till last call and caught a ride home with this guy from the band. They'll be in town for another week maybe I'll see them again. It was a fun night out, there was a lady bartender there that looked just like me but older. We talked off and on through out the night, she likes the band too. Maybe she is my mother I always think that when I see women that look like me.

I have never met my mother. My daddy won't talk about her either. No one in my family will say much about her. In high school I wanted to find her but since I'm 33 and she never wanted to know me I gave up on that notion. I don't look like my daddy so I must look like her. Maybe she's happy somewhere and never looks back. Nothing I can do about that. I do know you can't make people like you. Mothers are suppose to have a deep maternal connection to their children so I hear. My girlfriend Tasha has 5 kids, when one of them kids gets hurt she says she can feel their pain. I believe her too, I was at her house some years ago when her youngest fell off his bike, he just had a scratched up knee but you would've thought it was hers the way she took to him. I watched her clean and dress his knee and when he was jumpin' off the kitchen counter trying to get back to that damn bike her face was relaxed again, the pain was gone and we went back to talking and things were good. Things like that I notice with moms and kids and know that's what I'm missing from my soul.

Loyal to who?

2009-08-29T16:16:00.000-07:00

I got out today and went to Walmart. It was nice to be in a crowd of people. I've been saving my money that I get from Bill for washing his clothes and bought some stuff today to fix the clothes Thomas gave me from his wife. I got two cute ladybug patches for the rear pockets of a pair of jeans I cut off and made shorts out of. I'm sure his wife would never ever wear denim short-shorts with lady bug patches on the pockets!! I had to make these clothes mine, I could feel her vibe still in these clothes.

Everyday I spend here makes me wonder why I am here. Not here like here on this planet, here in Texas. I have been through Texas before but never spent any time here. It's real hot. I've been keepin' up with my tan, sleeping a lot and talking on the phone. Thomas called me from Delaware, he had some conference about paper or some shit to go to. While we were talking I could hear a woman giggling in the back ground. See I know the kinda guy he is, he likes hookers. She's probably some working girl who hooked up with him at some convention hotel and is getting paid for the night. Thomas's wife has no idea all the women he's with. Makes me want to find her and tell her so she can test herself and be safe. Is that my place? It's not, but we women do got to stick together. Thomas did help me out a lot when I needed it most but now I feel like a charm on a bracelet that he can jingle whenever he wants. I don't like that.

I might go out drinking tonight to the bar. She'll let me sell jello shots and pay for my bar tab. I like the bikers that hang out there and sometimes I think I could just hop on a bike with one of them and hit the hi-way. See I got a few outs if I need them, Bill is heading out on the road soon to see something in Wyoming, I could catch a ride with him I guess or any of the bikers at the bar. The right solution hasn't come up yet. It will it always does and so far I'll just trust in myself and Jesus it'll come again.

The days go by...

2009-08-23T18:14:00.001-07:00

Today was a good day. Last night at the bar I met some bikers, they told me about a BBQ to help this lady who has cancer anyhow I got invited to go so I did. She's real nice, so pleasant for someone who has only a short time left to live. Her doctor told her she had about a year if she lived healthy and avoided drinking and smoking. Well if that ain't something to think about? It was a nice time outside with people I didn't know.

Selling jello shots has lost it's luster. I didn't even go the other day. I guess it's not one of them jobs you need to worry about on a resume! I been writing to daddy pretty much everyday. I miss him. I called my Aunt Gaynelle and she said he's drinking a lot and she's worried about him. He never tells me he's doing anything but good. I think she wants me to come home and take care for him so she won't have to. Jessica is getting out of control, she doesn't go to her ROTC class anymore all she does is run with that boy she's seein'. It seems like the best place for me is home in Kentucky. I never thought I was a good role model for anyone but Jessica looks up to me somehow and I owe that to my Aunt Gaynelle to help her keep her baby girl out of anymore trouble.

What is there to do here? I talk to Bill he's interesting but kinda stuck in his routine. He doesn't always have time to just hang out. Thomas is back into his routine of traveling for business and can't see me much. He came by before he went to Colorado and left me a cell phone. He must think I'm his girl on the ready. I am not. He saved me, I thanked him over and over again and now what do I do? How do I get out of this sticky situation without getting caught?? I guess It'll come to me.

I'll be nurse Mary!

2009-08-21T21:04:00.000-07:00

Thomas is starting to drive me crazy, I know why his relationship with his wife is so bad, he's an asshole who cheats on her! He comes around less and less which is fine with me. He helped me and I appreciate it but how much does he expect from me? How do you pay someone back for that? I don't know what to do?? Bill said he'd help me but I am so damn tired of jumpin' man to man. I talked to daddy again today, he'll accept my calls every time I call but I know they're getting too expensive for him. He told me to call on Sunday he'll be at Aunt Gaynelle's for dinner.

Selling shooters is just silly. I ain't making enough to pay my damn bar tab! I did laundry today for Bill. He said he'd give me $10 to wash and fold his stuff. It's hard to feel good about yourself making $10 for a few hours work when it's so easy to just whore around and make a couple hundred. It should be the other way around but for years I've made a living off my skin! I need a real job! I looked through the paper today, did the crossword puzzle and smoked a cigarette or two but the job listings aren't for me. Make $1,500 a day from the comfort of your home, how am I gonna work from home? Maybe I could be a nurse? Ha. Probably not that either.

I got a job, sort of.

2009-08-19T15:29:00.000-07:00

Of all things, I got a part-time job...... as a shooter tooter girl! You know one of them girls who walks round a bar selling shots for a $1?? What a silly thing to be doin'??!! last night I had it with laying in the tent sweatin' to death so I took a walk. I met a guy here at the campground who is pretty cool. He's from Vermont, and travels all over the country in his motor home just seein' the sights. I suspect he's about 60-65 years old, he told me his wife died after 35 years of marriage. He woke up one morning and she was stiff. Never knew she was even sick. They'd both been retired about 6 months. That seems so unfair. Bill said he's like a cold beer and that sounded so good so we went up to this little dive up the road from the campground.

It was kinda fun being out and social. Bill wasn't trying to mess around with me either. He is just a nice guy. Who many men do I know like that?? Not many. After a few beers I got my shit together and called daddy. He heard my voice and started crying. Then of course I started crying. We talked about everything I went through and he wants me to come home. I never do good in Kentucky though, it always tempts me to get mixed up in drugs and bad men. It made my head so happy to hear daddy's voice. My blues turned hot pink and when I hung up, I felt so good I had a jell-o shot! After about 3 of those I asked the bartender for a job, and she said could sell shots! So that's what I'm doing. It's pocket money.

I feel better for callin' daddy. I wish I could just find Jules now. Breathe in, breathe out.... For now I'll sell shots. Better then sellin' my body.

Lonely isn't for me.

2009-08-13T17:07:00.000-07:00

I walked to the store and the guy working there said it was 95 degrees outside. I'd go swimming but I don't have a bathing suit. Thomas hasn't been here to see me in a few days. Maybe he's in trouble with his wife? One thing I do know about men who cheat on their wives is they usually stay with them. I wasn't expectin' him to leave her for me, hell Thomas isn't really my type. He saved me, at that moment in time he was my type!

I called my daddy today. When he answered I listened to him say hello and then I hung up. I could tell he was okay just by his tone. I'm so embarrassed about bein' in the situation I was in. How do I tell him I was so strung out I was passed out on the sidewalk behind a gas station?? Do I tell him the truth or make another story about my crazy life? They say the truth will set you free, sometimes being that free is very lonely.

I miss Jules and Danny. I watched some people here at the campground having fun and messin' around like we did when we was travelin' together, I wonder where they are now. Just thinking about them is making me so home sick. I'm gonna call my daddy he'll help me out. He always told me it doesn't matter what I get into, he'll always love me. I'm calling him tonight.

Wearing the clothes of another woman.

2009-08-10T09:50:00.000-07:00

Today is the day I will call daddy. I haven't talked to him in so long. What will I tell him? Yesterday Thomas came up to see me. He brought me a bag of old clothes his wife had put in the trunk of the car to go to the Goodwill. She's got good taste and we're just about the same size, she's just taller then me. It's weird wearing the clothes of a woman who doesn't know you're messing with her man. Guilty is all over my body covering me from being naked. She would hate to know she was helping me.

Sunday was the first day I felt normal. After I woke up I went to the rec. center here at the campground. I sat by the phone forever tryin' to get the nerve up to call daddy. I damn near smoked all the cigarettes I had left. Lydia this older lady who rides a golf cart around all day asked me where I was stayin' and with who. At first she was kinda a bitch, then we talked and I told her I was just spending the last of summer here enjoying the sights. I don't think she believed it entirely but after we talked a bit more she decided to let me be. I wish I had a camera to take pictures, that is my second favorite hobby. At least I got Thomas's old laptop for a little while, I found out there was free wi-fi here and I baby talked him into lending it to me. Thanks for reading this whoever you are out there. I appreciate it more then you will ever know.

I'm alive.

2009-08-08T08:22:00.000-07:00

Lord I know I push the limits. Right now I'm living in a tent in a campground in Arlington, Texas. Orlando got me all messed up, I lost everything. I remember going out trying to make some money, smokin' a bunch of dope with some guys and waking up in a nasty crack house days later. I didn't know where I was. Some guy named "Black" kept me in business and kept me high so I just went with it I guess. You get past ashamed and what you're doing is just existing minute to next.

Where is Jules? Danny? My lap top? I have held on to that damn thing since rehab. My daddy bought that for me to write while I was in rehab it was helping me stay focused or somethin' my counselor said I need to get my feelings out. I'll never be clean and not an addict. That's why I keep running I guess. Seein' if I can out run my need for crack or meth. I still can't recall everything that happened to me over the last few weeks. I do know Thomas brought me here and for this day I'm okay.

Thomas is a paper quality rep. or something like that who was in Winter Garden, FL for a newspaper convention or some shit I don't know, anyway he literally found me past out near the ladies room of a gas station. I don't remember much of this. He said I was blurry and kinda beat-up. I know Black had me pimped out to whoever but where I stayed during that time I don't much recall. He blacked my eye real good, it still hurts some. Thomas really saved my life. I'm sure Black would have come back for me probably would have killed me who knows? Thomas fed me, I swear I hadn't eaten in a days, we talked and drank enough coffee to be almost human and he asked if I wanted to get out of town. He's married that's why I'm stayin' at this campground.

When I got here I slept for 3 days. Hell I think I slept most of the way here! After that I went through you need to just sit and sleep, eat and balance out your head for a week or so. Thomas comes and sees me. He's not happy in his marriage, I'm just here, he talks I listen. For now it works. I kinda like the openness of this campground, it's pretty here, big trees and outdoor showers. I think I took about 3 showers a day since I got here! He'll leave me $20 or so and I'll get cigarettes and snacks from the store. I'm alive, I don't know why but I have some purpose to be on this planet.

I'm not Mary.

2009-07-29T18:33:00.000-07:00

This is Jules. Mary is missing, me and Danny haven't seen her in about a week. I don't know what to do. She left out before dark to make some money, didn't take nothing with her but her cigarettes and her room key. I know something terrible has happened, she would've come back by now at least for her lap top. I don't know how to contact her daddy to see if she's gone up there with him. This just ain't right.

I'm gonna leave this open to her maybe she'll write back here. I'm lost without you Mary. Why didn't you wait for me?

I don't like workin' Orlando.

2009-07-22T20:38:00.000-07:00

Some days it just don't pay to get out of bed. I've been staying here in Orlando for about a week now and only been able to make $20 - $60 at a time! Blow jobs are usually $30 here I'm lucky to get $20!! It's full of hookers here, it's a price war! Maybe I should get over my pride that I can be more in life. At the bunny ranch I made crazy money, had my living expenses covered pretty much and I ate good! Traveling I'm just a straight up 'hoe and that's worse!!

Jules set up the Craigs list ad. She always finds dates right away, old men who end up just lovin' her and pay for anything she wants. Why aren't I doing that???? I know how to attract loser guys without money. I'm doin' something soon with myself, good or worse then this.

Good bye Daytona, I'll miss you.

2009-07-17T15:35:00.000-07:00

Well, this is not what you want to hear I know but we left Daytona. After the whole Sea World thing I knew I was done with Roger. He isn't gonna be shit, just Daytona trash and I'm not staying there even though I do love it. Danny was all for the idea of leavin', he paid what we owed at the motel and left after dark. I got tired of dancing on a bar, the money is too slow and I was working all night for it. Being a paid "date" is where the money is so that's what I'm going back too.

Jules was setting up ads and found out some place called Orange Blossom Trail in Orlando was the place to be for our kinda work. So here we are! I don't even know the name of this dump! Danny likes the area he found some big gay bar that is more like a club or something, it's called the Parliament House. He's been there hanging out by the pool all day flirting with boys. I see dope boys everywhere, I will have a hard time resisting them. I'll not call daddy for a few days he wouldn't like this area.

Went to Sea World yesterday with Roger!

2009-07-14T21:06:00.000-07:00

I gave in. Roger came by an would not leave the door, he just stood there knocking and knocking until it just about woke up the whole place. He brought me a pink teddy bear and a bunch of white carnations with tickets to Sea World in his hand. How could I say no to that? So I let him take me to Sea World and we didn't talk about the night got punched in the eye by his wife! I don't trust him, he's a liar and is married I don't care what he says about being separated.

Daytona is getting old it's about time to move on. Where will I go next? I didn't think much of Orlando it's all yuppie puppy stuffy. I'm gonna talk Danny into driving us somewhere again, he's always ready to go. Jules hasn't made any real "man" friends. Just a few guys who don't pay much and don't call enough to keep her interested. She's the kinda girl who likes rich old men who want to spend it on a girl. Sea World was fun and Roger thinks he's all back in good graces with me but I'm just using him till I move on. I'm no fool.

I need a map.

2009-07-12T10:13:00.002-07:00

I don't know what to do today. Depression is weighin' heavy on me. My life never seems to go right. I try and try and work very hard at whatever it is I'm doing, and it never seems to be enough to keep me happy. Daddy hasn't sold any puppies I want to see him. He always makes me feel better. I'll call him later today when he's at Aunt Gaynelle's. Maybe I'll get to talk to Jessica and see what she's been up to.

Last night at the bar this girl got hit in the face with a crowbar. She just had a baby a few weeks ago and was out celebrating. I don't get it she's got 5 kids and still wants to party and run the roads. Is life ever enough for anyone the way it is or are we always looking for greener grass? I'm not a woman that wants babies and a family life like that but you'd think after having 5 kids you'd kinda made your path? My path seems to be a dusty dirt road with no particular direction. Usually there's a bar along the way and a bunch of loser hitch hikers! I don't believe that'll be enough for me, ever.

Still got a black eye. Won't talk to Roger.

2009-07-10T18:30:00.000-07:00

I've been layin' low for the last few days. I don't get depressed too often but I have been real bummed out lately. Roger has been tryin' to see me, but I just don't want to talk to him. He lied to me and I just don't need that shit in my life. Jules saw his car at the Winn-Dixie and left him a little message. Hope he knows it's from us. He's lucky the parking lot has cameras or Jules would've flattened his damn tires. I haven't felt like working much either, I got a little money and I'll be okay for a few days. Besides my eye is still bruised up. Makes me look trashy dancin' with a black eye.

Daddy called me, he said Aunt Gaynelle is worried to death about Jessica. Bein' that's her only daughter that's not a total fuck up, she gets so protective of her. He said Jessica's going out with her boyfriend and stayin' out real late and Aunt Gaynelle just don't want her to come up pregnant. I tried to talk to Jessica when I was home about messin' up early in life. She should look at her older sister Traci, she dropped out of school somewhere around 9th grade and took up with first this one then that one. Last I heard of Traci she was real messed up on meth. It's everywhere in Kentucky. I want to leave Daytona now and just go somewhere else but it'll be the same everywhere I go. When will I ever stop runnin? Is there a place I can go where everything will be ok?

Rogers wife hit me. :(

2009-07-07T08:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a total mess. I found out Roger is still married, I met that fact first hand. First one hand in my eye, then the other! Rogers wife, her name is Mary too come at me and tried to kick my ass! She came to my job wantin' to speak to me outside and before I could even step outside she sucker punched me! Roger was there and took her outside, my boss called the cops but she took off. I'm not pressing charges, 'cause it's not how we do things when your from Kentucky. Jules says we'll even the score our own way. Jules said not to worry "I'm gonna beat the breaks off that bitch!" I just got to deal with Roger now. I thought he wasn't a liar like the rest of the men out there.

Why did I let my feelings get hurt? I already know men are no good. Roger tried to bring me flowers and apologize but it's not working. I just want to be left alone. I'm sad and so let down. Jules tries to make me laugh but it ain't working. When it stops raining I'm goin' down to the beach and drink beer at this little bar and watch the waves come and go. Maybe I'll find some peace there.

Good morning hang over....

2009-07-05T06:58:00.000-07:00

Oh lord I am hung o-ver....! Last night was a lot of fun we watched the fireworks go off on the beach it was just beautiful. Danny cooked up a beef roast and potatoes in his crock pot. It smelled so good in our room! Everyone come around with cups and bowls for a taste. It was nice to share and see some of our neighbors who we haven't met yet.

I noticed Roger's phone ringing a lot and him clickin' it off. I hope I'm not one of many in a collection of girls he's got. Tonight I have to work, I told my boss I'd come in for a day shift if he needed he said he'd call me. I need more money!!! Daddy said he'd send it if I really needed it but hell I can hustle it with Jules I'm just tryin' not to do that anymore. I'm starving now must eat something to absorb the rum still playin' pirate in my belly!

Slept at Rogers last nice ;)

2009-07-04T11:29:00.000-07:00

Well, here it is the 4th of July! I had fun at work last night everyone got drunk and had a good time all the girls made money last night! I stayed at Roger's house. He has a nice place in Port Orange, I saw the deer he killed last year hunting. It was mounted on the wall above his bed. He is very proud of that! When he went to take a shower I found some pictures of his ex-wife, she looked like a fun gal at one time. Thank goodness they ain't got kids, I'm not gettin' between some shit like that!

His trailer is new, has a front porch and a back porch! His kitchen has a dishwasher and the 'fridge is new! Wow, a home! Haven't seen one of these in a while. Jules is worried I might fall for this guy, I tell her we're just friends but she thinks I'm crazy. I spent damn near $100 on fireworks we are going to have a show here at the hotel tonight!! Danny said he's afraid of fireworks, he's so crazy. He went to Goodwill and bought a crock pot and is fixin' us a grand 4th of July feast. He got some watermelon too, that's Jules favorite!!! He's a hell of a cook, I'm sure he'll make something good. Me and Jules and Danny are like a family all of a sudden, I love them. I do miss my daddy, I'm calling him later.

No daddy this weekend :(

2009-07-03T15:24:00.000-07:00

Well, I was really hopin' my daddy could come here to Daytona for the 4th of July. He didn't sell any puppies and his check didn't come yet so he won't come. I told the owner of the motel I'm stayin' at that my daddy might come for the weekend. He said he'd give him a good rate, now I got to tell him he ain't coming. He just lost a maid I'm gonna see about doin' that during the daytime for a little extra money Savat is a good man from India or somewhere like it. I know he's married to a Chinese woman but I don't see much of her. She sings at a karaoke sushi place in Port Orange.

I been looking forward to the 4th all week and now it's just gonna be another weekend. There's a lot of people in town, it'll be busy at work. My back hurts from last night, I was swinging around on the pole and I felt my back pop. Bein' a stripper is hard work sometimes! Roger has an ex-wife and she wants him back or at least don't want him with a stripper. He said she came by his house the other day screamin' about his new "lifestyle"and when was he going to come back to his senses. I'm already not in the mood to deal with her!

I'm happy here :)

2009-06-29T08:19:00.000-07:00

Life is just a fantastic day at the beach! I really love it here and now I got a man, my life is great! I wish the whole world could see me in my new bikini, it is hot!! Roger bought it for me, he wanted a free lap dance and I told him it would cost him a new bikini, so he went out and got it! It's black, one of my favorite colors with string sides, it's very skimpy.

I've been a little busy with work and Roger. Jules is working a lot too, she has a few new "friends" (older lonely men) who need a "date" here and there. This motel is still fun too, I'm usually moved onto a new one by now. Danny has already quit his job. He ain't use to workin' and donuts are sticky and dirty and he don't want to be neither one! I'm afraid he's thinkin' about going back to Kentucky. He talks to his momma every day and she begs him to come home. I talked to daddy and he said Ms Parker is so lost without him. I didn't tell Danny that. Daddys happy for me, he wants to come down here for the Pepsi 400 at the speedway. If he can sell some of Patsy's puppies, she's his old bull dog that had babies about a month ago, he'll be here this weekend! I'd love to see my daddy and introduce him to Roger!

Check him out!!!!

2009-06-26T11:43:00.000-07:00

Of all things, I got a boyfriend! Last night at work this guy came in and watched me dance for about two hours, I made about $100 off him. After an extra long lap-dance I sat and talked to him he's a tow truck driver here in Daytona. I think he's real handsome and he loves Nascar like daddy and he's strong like daddy they even like Crown Royal the same. My daddy would like him, he's a mans man! Every time I say that Danny laughs!

Men I meet at strip bars are usually full of shit and lies. Roger the tow truck driver, said he'd meet me on the beach today and we'd hang-out. Yeah right, I was suppose to meet him at the Pier, I did not I went out on the beach and laid out to get more sun. Here he comes riding down the beach lookin' for me! Ha! When he pulled up I was so shocked all I could do was laugh! We are going to the Ocean Deck later for some lunch and a beer or two. Who saw this happenin' to me?????

Danny got a job at Krispy Kreme!

2009-06-25T19:35:00.000-07:00

You will not believe this!??? Danny went to get some donuts and got a job! He has never worked anywhere before! He said it looked fun, and you know he talks to every damn buddy, the next thing you know he's coming back to the hotel with a paper hat and a t-shirt to start workin' tomorrow! I have to say it, he's excited! His momma don't get it, he wants a life of his own so he takes off to Daytona and next thing you know he gets a job. She is so upset, she thinks he'll never come home and she'll die alone.

I guess I'm doing okay. Same old thing, I've danced on many bars and its always the same. Drunks are the same everywhere you go. This place won't let you be topless so I bought a couple of skimpy bikini's and those camo boots I got is just killin' em! Jules is wanting to dance I think, dating here is risky and the ads are slow. I'm hittin' the beach tomorrow and getting my tan darker. I really love bein' near the beach.

Hustlin' at The Sharks Lounge.

2009-06-22T18:58:00.001-07:00

Well today was fun! I went all over Daytona on the bus with Danny and some girl from the hotel. She is tryin' to find a job and she won't dance, so she wants to work as a waitress or as a housekeeper. She is from Daytona and is so down and out, her man is outta work too 'cause he's a drunk. I've been busy tonight making some money. The Sharks Lounge is good for me, I'm doing good there and it's only about three blocks from the hotel!

I finally called daddy. I kinda left on bad terms. He wasn't mad but was short with me on the phone. Ms. Parker is driving he and Aunt Gaynelle crazy, always needing something. Danny has been with her his whole life and she don't know what to do with out him. Daddy figured out I'm dancin' and he hates it. He keeps telling me to go back to the bunny ranch, does he really think I'm working in the kitchen there?? He has to know what I was doing there! Damn, bakers don't make $2,500 + a week!

Danny puts everything on his head.

2009-06-21T12:15:00.000-07:00

I am so sun burnt. I just want to lay on my back in the cool and not move. A lot like working at the bunny ranch!! Hahaha lol!!! Ouch, just typing hurts. Danny has been making me laugh I had an idea he was gay and it turns out he is. I just know these kinda things about people. Jules went and set up an ad to see if she can make some money. We need it real bad. I'm going to dance at a place called the Sharks Lounge. It's a dump but I'm the prettiest one there so I should do good.

Danny run me up to the Goodwill store to find so sexy dancing shoes and clothes. I found some stuff and he put everything on this head. Why I do not know but he is a funny mother fucker! The owner of the Pleasure Isle motel said we could get a good rate for a month but it would have to be paid in full. Me and Jules are tryin' to convince Danny to put it on his credit card and will pay him cash back. It won't take much convincin' he don't want to go back to Kentucky.

I love Daytona Beach!!!!!!!

2009-06-20T13:41:00.000-07:00

Well we made it! Other then stopping to pee Danny drove straight through. We are staying at the Pleasure Isle motel, it's old and smells nasty but I burned some incense I got in LA and it covered it up some. Jules has been sleepin' the whole time, she don't like to sleep in a moving vehicle she said it makes her sick feelin'. We checked-in and I went straight to the beach. It calms me down.

Danny is everywhere I go, he's funny and makes me giggle. We're the best of pals! I think Danny is gay. He just don't seem "interested" in women, I mean he likes me and after bein' around him for a few days I see that he likes me but not in that way. He can't be slow he is smart and likes to read I found out he has been reading big books from authors who do college classes and stuff. He has a lap top too, and knows how to do things on it, like fix it when it breaks! I ain't been around him a lot since we was in middle school so I guess he has changed, or I have! The beach is awesome, this is going to be good for me!

Leaving for Daytona Beach in the morning!

2009-06-16T14:06:00.000-07:00

He's gonna do it! We're going to Daytona Beach!!!!!! I am excited to be leaving Kentucky again! Daddy is pissed he thinks I need to stay here and keep his house clean and cook for him. He needs a damn woman and it ain't gonna be Jules I keep tryin' to tell him that. He likes her, but he'd like any girl really. We had drinks last night at the Oasis, look at Jules hair is already grown out! we had fun but I didn't get drunk, I'm ready to leave Kentucky. No one wants me to leave, they all want me to stay here and be miserable with them.

Danny seems excited too, but in a scared kinda way. He ain't never been outta Kentucky. He never done a lot of things. His momma told him he was slow when he was a kid and never has he tried to be anything else. He get a check each month and that's his traveling money. We're leaving in the morning, he's taking his momma's car, she don't drive anyhow. Jessica is gonna help her and Aunt Gaynelle said she'd run her to the store if she needed anything. Off on another adventure, this is going to be fun I can tell!!

Day of beauty with slurpee's and spaghetti!

2009-06-13T12:54:00.000-07:00

Happy Saturday! Today has been a lot of fun so far. Me and Jules and my cousin Jessica are having a day of beauty; facial mud masks, haircuts, and I did everyone's eyebrows! Next is fingernails and toenails and an orange slurpee, my favorite part of beauty day :) We're at aunt Gaynelle's house I'm cooking for her today since she's workin' up at the Kroger's all day. She'll be surprised when she gets home to a whole pot of spaghetti ready! Daddy will be here when he gets done with whatever he's doin' today. He likes spaghetti too.

Jules and I finished a 12 pack last night and decided we're leavin' next week one way or the other. I went over to visit old lady Parker who lives down at the end of daddy's street. She's lived down there since before I was born, anyway her son has always liked me. He's a big momma's boy but I have this idea if I ask him to drive me to Daytona Beach he will. I think I might like to spend some time there. Danny Parker I hope you're ready for this, I invited him over for spaghetti!

Went swimming today.

2009-06-11T18:41:00.000-07:00

It was so hot today we all went up to the lake swimming. I was grumpy at first but I think the old lake water soaked into my skin and warmed my blood. Jules and my cousin fixed the canoe and they went out about half way before it flipped them over and started sinkin'. She had everyone laughin' with her tryin' to get that damn boat back to the dock! Anyway, I've been chain smoking since I got home. Daddy smokes 305's which are nasty, I smoke Marlboro lights those are very different cigarettes. Daddy don't even care if I smoke the rest of my life, I tell him to quit everyday. I think there's something wrong with that.

The same reasons I always end up leavin' Kentucky are starting to pop up. I can't make no money here, I will end up fucked up on meth again if I stay here and I don't want my daddy to know how I get my money. He thinks I'm a baker or a bartender or something in a restaurant. Maybe he wouldn't care about that either if he found out. I keep my distance just in case he doesn't care, it would break what's left of my heart.

Lookin' forward to seein' Jessica :)

2009-06-10T17:05:00.000-07:00

Yawnnnnn.... I've done nothing but sleep and carrying my headache around all day. I swear if I live through today I will never drink Crown Royal again! My aunt Gaynelle is cooking again tonight. I'm so hungry but I afraid if I eat I'll puke. Jessica is coming to see me tonight, aunt Gaynelles daughter, she is my favorite cousin. I can't believe she is only 14, she looks so much older. Daddy says I look worried about something. I think he knows what I've been doing for "work". In a way I miss working at the bunny ranch, I had a good thing goin' there. I ain't never made so much money at a job, but there has to be something else I can do and be good at besides sellin' my ass!

Jessica looks up to me. No one else in this world does that. Most people when they see how I make a living consider me trash. Hell I've always been considered trash! One time when I was in 10th grade I dated Daniel Bouey, his momma did not like me. She told him I would never be nothin' and about as useful as "tits on a boar hog". I was waiting outside on his porch when I heard that I can still hear it clear like it was yesterday. That bitch is old now but her word haven't aged a bit.

Crown Royal at the Oasis has left me hurtin'!

2009-06-10T12:16:00.000-07:00

I am hung-o-ver! Me and Crown Royal are not feelin' royal today. The Oasis is one of my favorite bars, it's a dump but I know everyone there. So many people I haven't seen in years were there, still the same nothing new about 'em. Hell even their hair is the same as it was in high school. I started out drinking beer but then daddy wanted us all to drink Crown with him and let me tell you we did! Jules got so drunk she bet this guy Gary, my daddy works with him off and on, that if she couldn't keep up with him drink to drink she'd cut her hair into a mohawk. She lost! I knew she couldn't do it, hell that Gary weighs over 300 lbs.

Everything here is about eatin'. Three meals a day, who's house for dinner, lots of food. I got over that bein' out on the road, hell you're lucky to eat once a day and it comes from a microwave for the most part. I was gettin' use to coffee bein' your first meal of the day! The reasons I left are in my face sooner then my last visit. Today my head is not workin' but tomorrow I'm gettin' it together. I need to make some money and I hate to "work" in my home town, too many people know me. Jules can't work with that hair so I don't know what we'll do. That hasn't stopped me so far.

Chicken and dumplin's for dinner!

2009-06-09T18:55:00.000-07:00

We made it to Kentucky and I am glad of it! This trip home was long and hard. Jules and my daddy hit it off real good. It's like they've know each other for years! My Aunt Gaynelle made a big dinner for us tonight; collard greens, chicken and dumplins, sweet potatoes, deviled eggs, corn bread, tomatoes and onions and banana puddin'! We ate like we was starved! I think my cousin Cody likes Jules he's come here off and on all day and night since we got home! He's slow but you can't really notice it until he tries to read. It's nice to be home with my daddy.

I know we just got here but, I'm already tryin' to figure out my next step. We'll stay here a week or so but I want to get going somewhere soon. Maybe New York? Maybe back to Florida? I love Florida and if I went back there I got a bunch of friends there. I don't know yet but I am gonna rest and get my shit together before I figure it out!

I got left :(

2009-06-06T08:20:00.000-07:00

I have had a streak of bad luck. I got left at the damn truck stop! I went inside to pee and Jules was outside just stretchin' her legs, she didn't know I was awake, anyhow they left me! Damn it, I got so upset, I started talking to any trucker comin' into the plaza to see who I could catch a ride with. Finally this guy come along and he let me use his cb to call for Eddie. I finally caught up with him and Jules 400 miles later!

Damn. Being without everything you have for a few days is scary. I wasn't sure if I would ever see my lap top again, and you know that's all I got. The trucker who gave me a ride is named Steven Randall, or Steve he likes to be called. We had small talk forever but I knew what he expected for the ride. I don't mind I guess, we smoked some meth and it was good shit I don't even care that I haven't slept in two days.

Rollin' through Utah, starving all the way!

2009-06-02T08:53:00.000-07:00

Of all the places I have been Utah is the weirdest so far! We're ridin' with a ex-military man carrying a load of skateboards headin' east. He checked-in to the motel last night and bummed a smoke from Jules. Nice older man named Eddie, said he'd give us a ride as far as he could. He's married and lives in Mississippi, he told us about his 6 kids and even played cards with us for a while but I could tell he was real tired. I stayed up all night so as we'd be up when he got ready to go. Sometimes they'll just say they'll give you a ride then dip out on ya.

Daddy said to be careful in Utah, to just ride and sleep all the way through it. I think I'll listen to daddy on that one. Jules has been chatting with Eddie the whole time. He likes her company I can tell. We are runnin' low on cash and I'm tryin' to save it but I'm hungry. Stealin' is wrong but I gotta eat and so does Jules. I hope we can get to Kentucky soon!

Hitchin' a ride, stayin' in a dump.

2009-06-01T18:20:00.000-07:00

I've been on the road for days it seems and we just made it out of California! Hitchin' a ride ain't never been this hard! We finally got picked up by some kids drivin' east to see New York. I have always wanted to see it too. Daddy went there once as a truck driver and said it was real nasty but hell that was 25 years ago, things change!

We found a dump to stay at near the hi-way for $49 a night. I don't want to stay too long that eats up you money fast but the shower sure feels good. Daddy wants us to come there and I think we will for a minute. Jules is outside trying to find us a ride outta here tomorrow. Any trucker that's not an asshole will carry us. If I had too I'd break 'em off a little, hell it's easier on the feet then walking to Kentucky!! I'm in a good mood, I love traveling! Jules keeps me laughing all the time. She is a trip!

San Francisco is were we part with Mario!

2009-05-30T08:53:00.000-07:00

We finally made it to San Francisco. It's nice here. All the streets are straight up or straight down! We went to have ice cream at the first Ben & Jerry's and we talked to some hippies and it's cool so far but I'm thinkin' we'll dip on Mario soon. He's gettin' weirder by the day. I called daddy and had a long talk about leaving the bunny ranch and headin' to San Francisco. He's not worried about me, he knows I can handle myself. He really wants me and Jules to come to Kentucky and we might who knows???

We're in the mission for a few days. I'm eatin' the best burrito I swear I've ever had in my life, It's cheap and it's huge!! This is a rough area, lots of hookers and dope dealers. Heroin is big here, if I was alone here I could get messed up bad. Jules don't do drugs, she just smokes weed and drinks so she'll keep me straight. I don't have a jacket but I damn sure need one. It's cold here! I got to talk to Jules private about dippin' on Mario, I can tell she's tired of him and his hippie weirdness!

San Francisco to see where Ben and Jerry are from! Cool!

2009-05-28T11:24:00.000-07:00

So far so good! We're still with Mario he's a really nice guy. He's takin' to Jules just like I did. He said she's so much fun and I have to agree with him! There's some place in Oregon he wants to take us it's a cult where we can stay and live for a while. I guess that don't sound so bad, my mind is about the only thing I haven't sold or given away yet!! He said if we stick by him will stop in San Francisco and see where Ben and Jerry are from.

Just riding in his car and the cool California wind in my face, I get to ride in the back seat 'cause I'm the shortest. I have rested and cleared all the the "negative vides" from my head Mario told us about negative vibes. We have been smoking a lot of weed!! It's all good, we're free on the road and it's fun! I'm calling daddy later, I feel good!!

.....and we're off! :) :) :)

2009-05-26T17:59:00.001-07:00

Today don't have to be the best day ever. As a matter of fact I'm okay with it being just an average day that's hotter then I remember days bein'. We sat at the Dairy Queen next to the gas station for a while drinkin' beer. After a few beers it doesn't matter where your going but I wanted out of that hot parking lot. I went inside to pee and Jules started a conversation with this guy, he's going to Reno, Nevada. After I picked up a 12 pack, our new driver Mario, said he's take us as far as he was going.

This little car he has is fun to ride in. He says he gets damn near 40 miles to the gallon. I think he's kinda a hippy. Jules is sweet on him, he flirts with her and she's flirtin' with him. Good! She could use a little attention! He said were gonna stop in Carson City. Cool! I haven't been there before, why not!

Jules is going with me!!

2009-05-25T14:23:00.001-07:00

Shit fire and save the matches Jules is comin' with me!!! After thinking all day about it she said she wanted to "just do it" like a pair of Nikes!! I am so excited, we are gonna jump trains and catch rides with truckers and whatever but we'll be out there and be seein' the country! I got to show her how to travel she's wantin' to carry too much stuff. I left most of my stripper/slut clothes to Mona and the other girls here at the bunny ranch. I am takin' that tiny pink g-string I stole from Trashy Lingerie in Hollywood. As small as it is it brought me back up on my feet, it's good luck!

Ms. Ruthie said if I ever want to come back to the bunny ranch she would let me. She understands the need to just get free. She turned 62 today we had cake and it almost made me change my mind about leavin'. You know how much I love birthday cake :) I know somewhere out there is a cure for me, I need to go out and look for it. Marcus said he'd take us into Vegas and we can go from there. I've got $600 that should take me far! When Jules is ready we're leavin', it'll be the right thing to do.

Me and Evil Knievel, true dare devils.

2009-05-25T10:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a hard day to get through. I don't want to leave but I know I have to. Jules is very upset. She ain't never been just out there, getting by anyway she can. Maybe she'll come with me, I don't know yet she hasn't said for sure. Beatrice cooked a big dinner, I ate like it was my last meal. No one wants me to leave, If I stay I'll regret it. I really hope Jules goes with me, I'd miss her a lot if she didn't go.

I called daddy, he doesn't know what I'm about to do. We talked about the autographed Evil Knievel picture I sent him, he said he hung it up on the wall in his bedroom. When I get back home and see that in his room I'll always think about my time in Vegas. I slept with strangers and perverts and made a living off my skin. Daddy loves Evil Knievel but if he knew how I got that picture, he'd burn it.

Locked up, but not for long.

2009-05-23T20:22:00.000-07:00

Well, guess where I've been?? Locked up in jail :( I know what I should've been doing but I can't stay anywhere and behave too long. After I went out and got back to work at the bunny ranch as always I got bored with my life so I bucked. I been feelin' it coming. I went in to Vegas and found this guy that would serve me hard, crack for anyone who isn't an addict. I stayed by myself and smoked crack for two days. I'm so pathetic. I wish it would have killed me. After I ran outta money I went out on the street looking for someone. That's when I got arrested prostitution and possession of paraphernalia.

I got out on a ROR with a court date in about a month. I don't plan on bein' here to make that court date. Maybe I'll go to Alaska? I'm movin' on for sure. Jules is worried about me but if she don't want to go I'm goin' alone. Hell I've been homeless, beat up, rapped, and left behind. Nothing is permanent, it's all about where you're happy and I love Las Vegas but this isn't what I want after all. So I'll check and see how much I've got saved up and be out soon. Something new is waitin' on me!

A good night out! I was dancin' on the bar!

2009-05-20T23:40:00.000-07:00

You will not believe what happened last night???? Well for one, we all got stupid drunk. Then I grew some balls and we all went over to the tattoo shop to confront Willie. He wasn't there, his people say he hasn't been back but a few times since he went to LA. His boss said he wasn't wanting him in the shop no more, that some stuff was missin' and the only person it could have been was Willie. I sure know how to pick 'em don't I???

That's not all that happened, after we left the tattoo shop we went to drink some more at this titty bar we had been too before. We'll go there sometimes to dance on the bar! Then somebody wanted to leave to go eat and when we left this dude come from outta no where and grabbed Mona's purse! Her boyfriend Tim took off after him and beat the shit outta him! How nice a man that sticks up for his woman. Ahhhh what a night! I love Las Vegas!!!

Blue Wednesday :(

2009-05-19T11:19:00.000-07:00

Today I just don' feel like working. We're all goin' to Las Vegas to hang out and burn up some money. Jules is gonna find Willie while we're there, we need to find out what his problem is. Mona is planning on seeing her boyfriend and I just want to get drunk. I'm wearin' the boots too! I love those camo boots, my daddy would too.

My depression is worse then it was. Drinkin' and playin' pool might help. Mona's boyfriend lives in Vegas she said we could all come there after we hit the casinos. He's got a big pool table and plenty of liquor. I'm having a hard time feeling like I belong anywhere. Sometimes I hear a voice in my head tellin' me to go home to Kentucky, have a baby, just grow roots and stop all this. It's not for me, but what is? Bein' a whore? Something else has got to be out there for me.

Two girl party, me and Mona.

2009-05-18T17:00:00.000-07:00

I am soooooo stoned! This guy came in from Oregon and wanted a two girl party so me and Mona split the date. I don't mind being with a girl, especially for money. Mona is real pretty like an Indian girl. She's from New Mexico, moved to Nevada to look for work in some company but after doin' the office admin job for a while she wanted something less boring. She said she dared herself to look into the bunny ranch. Now she loves her job!

I'm trying not to think about cocaine tonight. For some reason I want to get high. I saw Roberta snortin' a line earlier and I haven't stopped thinking about it. Why does it matter if I destroy my life with drugs? What's it worth anyhow? What am I worth? Apparently about $100 an hour plus tip. For a Kentucky girl with a GED and no mother $100 is pretty good. Jules says I'm awesome and should not think this way but she doesn't understand when I get depressed, I feel terrible. Tuesday will be better.

The whiskey brewer.

2009-05-17T20:59:00.000-07:00

Look at me with a nice suntan! I look "California"! Just need me some big fake titties and some blond hair. I spent most of the day outside by the pool with Jules, it was a little overcast but still nice out. We talked about Willie and maybe going by that shop he works at and startin' some shit. Maybe I'd feel better about myself if I got back at him.

I got picked one time today. Probably because I was outside in my bikini and when I came inside my nipples got rock hard and were stickin' out perfect for line-up. I love how they look pierced. This guy who picked me was a whiskey brewer from Tennessee, he retired 6 months ago and spends his time in a Winnebago travelin' the country. He said he liked my accent and it reminded him of the girls back home. I've been to Tennessee before, it's okay didn't see too much worth stayin' for. Anyhow, he left his wife at the mall and came all the way out to the bunny ranch for the day. I shook him for $1,100 wonder what his poor wife got at the mall? Probably not that much!

Attorney + hookers = $$$$$

2009-05-17T05:44:00.000-07:00

I am waking up too early for as busy as I was last night! I should be sleepin' in but my eyes just opened when I smelled biscuits and gravy. Beatrice makes a big breakfast on Sundays sometimes and this morning she did it up right! I may eat and lay back down. I'll work tonight, Sundays are usually laid back just regular Joe's. I'll call daddy when I'm out by the pool and I know he's at aunt Gaynelle's for dinner.

Them attorneys are weirdos! This one guy wanted me to wear these big baby shoes and call him daddy and act like a baby. Whatever dude, as long as it's not anal! He was one of the company's top real estate attorneys, he said he's bought and sold Las Vegas a 100 times. Wasn't much on look but a nice guy, he said he doesn't have a girlfriend, I believe that. We talked for damn near an hour with these crazy shoes on my feet. He said he'd come see me again, regulars are good to have especially really rich ones.

Home sweet whorehouse.

2009-05-16T20:11:00.000-07:00

I have rested all day. It's nice to be back somewhere safe and clean. After I got a good nights rest I signed on to work the afternoon and evening shift. It's so easy here, I laid out in the sun and just waited to hear the call for line-up. The salad bar and soup is free while you're working so I ate lunch and just relaxed. Mona had me cracking up about this guy she's been seeing, you know we all had to get caught up since I was gone.

Today I got tested and swabbed to make sure I could work. All was good, and I feel better knowing I'm clean. LA made me feel dirty and like a whore. Might have something to do with my first 24 hours there. Miss V loved my new boots, I'm wearin' them tonight there's a special party for these attorneys. I was thinking about calling daddy but maybe tomorrow, he'll be at aunt Gaynelle's for Sunday dinner and I can talk to her and Jessica too. Now just more of the same, primp, and be pretty and ready. It's a good day so far.

Birds of a feather.

2009-05-14T21:08:00.000-07:00

I have decided to go back to the bunny ranch in the morning. LA is gettin' under my skin and I don't like to live this way. Jules is wantin' to get back and beat Willie up for leaving me in LA anyhow. I don't care about that anymore, I mean I got to see LA and live here for a bit. Them boots I got will make me a lot of money back at the ranch, here I'll just wear 'em out dancing on a stage for way less money!

Earlier I got a couple of dime bags from the boy at the end of the motel. Sittin' here waiting for him to come back to serve me I noticed his momma and him have lived in that room a long time. I can't live here like his bird, in a cage watching all the rich people live high on the hog while I live in a dirty motel sellin' my ass to continue livin' in a dirty motel. Making it here is so low to how we were livin', why stay here and be motel trash? I feel sorry for that little fella, both of them.

Good coffee fixes many things.

2009-05-12T12:44:00.000-07:00

The last few days have been full of ups and downs. Unfortunately the ups haven't been too far up. I did find some good coffee in the morning, or maybe he found me. This sweet old man drives a shopping buggy around on the sidewalks with the best mix of coffee he brews himself. He puts the cream and sugar in it for you, it's strong coffee but good, even though he don't speak much English we get along just fine. I'll sit an sip that coffee and watch LA wake-up.

The ad is workin' good, enough to pay expenses and see me through day to day. I can't figure out if I'm excited to be here in Los Angeles, the city of Angeles or desperate. Both kinda feel the same. Jules can't get a hold of Earl I think he's done with hookers. Jules liked him, not like that, but as a friend. One more way to look at the expression "you can't buy friends". I got to get out of this neighborhood today, it's so trashy and nasty. I'm gonna take the bus to Beverly Hills, let's see how fast I can get asked to leave there!!

This holiday hustle.

2009-05-10T21:30:00.001-07:00

Not much happened today. I went to the strip club and made a little money but I don't like it there. I keep shopping and spending my money on shoes for work but I ain't working that much. No calls today from our ads, just an average holiday. Almost all holidays are quite for us "workin" girls. I might get dressed up and hit the corner over near Santa Monica where I saw some other girls walkin'. Jules slept most of the day so I just hung out by myself. That's why me and Jules are such good friends we don't need to be constantly do somethin' together.

I'm wanting to go back to the bunny ranch. Jules likes it here and I do too, but it's hard hustlin' on your own everyday and this nasty motel is givin' me the hebee-gebees. I did find this dope boy that lives here and he'll sell me nicks or dimes whenever, all I got to do is knock on his door. His momma can get it if he ain't there he said. I'm gonna finish this beer and go to bed I guess, Monday will bring a good day.

Earl went to jail :(

2009-05-10T11:55:00.000-07:00

More damn jail drama has found me! After dinner the other night, which was a lot of fun, we went back to Earl's house. He lives in the Hollywood hills in the most beautiful house. We all went skinny-dippin' in his pool jacuzzi thing on his patio. It was the best, he had champagne for us and we laughed and had the best time all night. He took us back to the motel and just as he was leavin' he got pulled over and arrested for picking up prostitutes!! WTF!! I am so sorry Earl went to jail. He's 81 years old! We got him out, but still it took a long time to get out of LA county jail. Hope we can still be friends with him.

Today is Mothers Day and I don't have one so I called aunt Gaynelle and wished her a Happy Mothers day. I never knew my mother she left when I was born. I really don't care to know her. I talked to daddy he was at aunt Gaynelles for dinner. He's lonely, every now and then he'll get a girlfriend for a short time but they don't stick around. I'm gonna send him some porno movies from this store on the corner. I know that sounds weird but I look at for him like that.

Bored and lookin' for weed.

2009-05-08T19:55:00.000-07:00

So you know what happened?? We talked Jules new "boyfriend" into to taking us out to dinner. This way he'll see I'm not some crazy psycho who's gonna rob him. You know something I don't think I'd ever rob anybody. It's just not nice. I'm dressin' up fancy tonight were going to have fun! Jules said he's got a lot of money. I don't care about money, really.

I found another strip club I can work at it's even nastier then the last one. Sad as it is to say, that's where you make you're money. This place still has peep shows. I'd like to smoke a joint maybe I can find someone to hook me up with a dime bag. I'm bored for the first time in a long time. I'm gonna walk around this motel and see if I can find a dope boy to sell me some weed. I'll eat like a pig at dinner!

Picked up a date first thing today.

2009-05-08T13:22:00.001-07:00

Today is looking pretty good so far! I put an ad out there for a Friday morning special and just like that I got a call! Just a quick date but it's money and I need it. Jules has been out with this guy twice since she got in town. He likes her baby face :) He seems cool, older and lonely with plenty of time on his hands. Jules can talk a mile about something or nothin' and he needs that I guess, well among things! We keep trying to convince him we should have a two girl party but I think he's afraid we'll rob him.

My cousin Jessica called me. She's going into the FFA, (Future Farmers of America) she's doin' it to be around the boys. I am so afraid she'll end up pregnant before she needs to be. She developed early and has big ol' boobies and a big butt. Men love to flirt with her and she just turned 14! She's been helping aunt Gaynelle get around after her surgery. Jessica looks up to me and always has, I sent her a postcard today with a picture of the Hollywood sign on it. She'll love that.

I punched a girl at the strip bar :(

2009-05-08T01:02:00.000-07:00

Tonight was the night from hell! Me and this girl from the strip club got into it and I blacked her eye! She kept makin' fun of me and said I was a redneck, which I am, and other nasty things like my daddy was probably my boyfriend and I lost it and popped her in her eye!! The manager made us both leave. Fuck that dump, I can work anywhere.

Jules thinks it's funny that I hit that girl. It is kinda! She said we could just run ads and make money which is true I don't mind "datin" sure is easier on the feet. Daddy called me and wanted to know how the hotel job was. I hate lyin' to him. I'm feeling like going back to Vegas already, it's cool here but there is too many uppity bitches everywhere. I'm just gonna do mine and Jules's laundry and chill out. Tomorrow I'll catch a date or go to another strip club. No big deal!

Look at my new boots!

2009-05-05T21:48:00.000-07:00

We went shopping today! Jules spent the morning settin' up ads for dates while I slept, I'm not as young as I use to be, dancing in 5' heels wears me out! She finally got me up and we shopped along Venice beach and I got some new camo sexy boots!!! They're more comfortable then those crazy shoes I been wearin'. Me and Jules have been talking about "movin" to this youth hostel on Venice beach. It sounds cool this hippy guy told use about it, you share a room with other girls but it's cheap as hell and everybody hangs together and parties and stuff it sounds fun!

I mailed the postcard to daddy today. I told him all about Venice beach, the muscle beach, all the shops and the weather. I wish he could see this. He'd love it here. I did called my aunt Gaynelle and spoke to her for a minute. She has to go have surgery on her toe to have an ingrown toenail removed. That's the excitement in Paris, Kentucky! I'm not working tonight so me and Jules are going to this bar we saw a bunch of people at earlier. I believe I need a night out to work on my pool playin' and break these new boots in!

Jules got tattooed at the beach!

2009-05-04T10:08:00.000-07:00

What a weekend! Jules got a tattoo at the beach! Who ever would have thought you could do such a thing?? My new favorite place is Venus Beach!! Men work out there! So much excitement it reminds me of Daytona beach in a way, but it's better here. We spent the whole day there. I'm getting so tan soon you'll think I was born here, except everyone trips out over my accent which I do not notice.

While Jules was gettin' tattooed I called daddy. He sounds depressed. I don't know what's wrong with him he just says he's fine. I feel guilty having all this fun in my life while his life has been Paris, Kentucky for the last 55. I pour beer on it over and over but I still feel guilty. I'm sending him a postcard tomorrow, maybe that will pick up his spirits. Dancin' on a bar later need more money, but I'm happy right now :)

It's party time LA style!!

2009-05-03T07:52:00.000-07:00

The last few days have been like a weird dream. I'm somewhere I've never been, alone and I don't really care what happens to me! Everything has been pretty good though, I was able to get right back on my feet. I spoke with the house momma at the bunny ranch and she said I can come back at the end of the month for a week and work if I want. That's just great in my book! I'm gonna vacation and party and live it up in Los Angeles with Jules! Even though Willie fucked me over, it turned around in my favor!

I am dancing at a sleazy bar! It is one of them touchy-feely places. I don't mind really, the more I touchy the more I makey!!! Hell once you work as a "working" girl you cross a line, you've kinda "sold" that part of your body so bein's it's sold you don't feel it anymore. That probably don't make much since, I've been on a week long drunk. Jules come here just for me! We're good friends and I'm sooooo glad she's here! We are going shopping today, we're going to have a blast here in Los Ang-e-les!!!

This country girl can survive!

2009-05-01T11:44:00.001-07:00

Well I worked damn hard for my money last night. These fancy LA men like their women to look different then me. If I'm gonna make some money here I noticed I need a tan, bigger boobs (which ain't gonna happen over night!) and some blond hair! I saw a blond wig at Trashy and I'm going back to get it! Then I'm taking the bus over to the beach. You can't keep this Kentucky girl down!

I didn't make any friends last night neither. These bitches don't speak they just are here to get their money and get out. They all look like drug addicts. Heroin must be the big thing here. I don't need no girlfriends, I look at this as a vacation! I paid my time up here at this nasty motel for a few more days, I need to make a fast $500. I did speak to Jules, she is freakin' out! She said she was going over to kick Willies ass then coming here to get me! I love her!

I believe I'll stay here for a minute.

2009-04-30T18:41:00.000-07:00

I'm done feeling sorry for myself now. Fuck it, men do this to me all the time, so it really ain't nothin' new. Hell, I'm in LA it's were all the stars live! As a matter of fact, I think I saw Paris Hilton today! I've been drinking cheap beer for the last three days till I fall asleep. I haven't called daddy or Jules yet, I'm gonna do that when I'm done with this. I believe I'll spend a few weeks here, I want to see the sights!

After much thinkin' and drinkin' and all my damn money spent, tonight I'm going to go dance at this strip bar down the street and see if I can pay for a few more nights at this nasty motel. I stole some cute thongs today and I got some sexy shoes with me. I'm feeling funny about returning to Las Vegas. I never want to see Willie again, he's an asshole! I'm calling Jules now to tell her I'm alive and I'll get back to you soon.

Kentucky Fried Chicken will help.

2009-04-27T18:45:00.000-07:00

Sitting here cryin' is not getting me anywhere. I have got to get my shit together once again. I found this dump to stay in for the night, I really just wanted a shower more then anything. It smells nasty in here, you can tell people smoke crack and everything else in here. The windows are so dirty I can't see out of 'em. Even though it don't seem to matter I'm going outside to smoke and watch the freaks roll by.

I still haven't called daddy or Jules yet, I just ain't ready to tell them what's happened. I am so embarrassed. How did I screw this up? Damn I need a six pack and some greasy chicken to make me feel normal again. I'm going out to get me chicken and beer and then I'll call daddy and Jules. I'll be alright.

Wandering in LA. made it to Hollywood Blvd

2009-04-27T11:09:00.000-07:00

I've made it to a dirty Chinese restaurant somewhere near Hollywood Blvd. I have about $300 dollars and I'm going to try and get a room for the night here somewhere so I can clean myself up and call Jules. I'm still so confused. What happended? Wonton soup does wonders for settling an angry stomach.

After I get the room, I'm callin' daddy to tell him where I'm at. He told me everybody here is crazy. No one has been very nice to me so far. I tried to get a ride, I must be made outta glass

'cause no one stopped. I walked and walked to get this bowl of soup. Willie is a heroin addict and I did it with him. I feel like the dirtiest piece of shit on the planet. Bein' a whore isn't this nasty. Hollywood Blvd. is kinda cool, always wanted to see it. Didn't think I'd be seein' it like this. I need cigarettes and they are so damn expensive here!

Willie left me in LA :(

2009-04-26T19:14:00.000-07:00

Oh lord. I am stuck in LA. I don't remember much of Saturday and I just woke up alone with my backpack. I'm not real sure where I am in LA, I just remember Willie and his friends being here and now no one is here and this house looks vacant. WTF. How have I messed things up now? I am so groggy and sick feelin'. I haven't eatin' since I got here and I've got to get my shit together.

This house I'm sittin' in is for sale and it's on a street called Laurel Cannon or something. No furniture just a few blankets left on the floor and syringes. Willie is a heroin junkie! Jesus love a duck have I screwed up big time! I let some dirty heroin head bring me all the way to LA and leave me here in this vacant house surrounded by shit that could get me arrested! I have to leave this house and get my ass back to the Bunny Ranch before something worse happens.

Weeeeeeeee, look at me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-04-24T18:43:00.000-07:00

Damn I am dizzy and silly and lovey-dovey!!! Willie picked me up after a drink at the Hard Rock, he was right on time. He gave me a hit of ecstasy, I never ever had ecstasy before! Wowowowowow, I'm a sloppy mess! It's so much fun huggin' him close and riding through the desert so fast. It's so cool to be goin' on this trip with him!

Right now I ain't got much to say 'cause I'm real fucked up. He stopped about three hours into this ride and I couldn't wait to tell you how much fun I'm having already! He said tonight we'll stay at his friends house in Hollywood! What a trip?!?! Lil'Miss Kentucky goes to LA, all fucked up on ecstasy with her new boyfriend for the weekend! Bobby Jack wouldn't know what to make of me now!!!

Ready for my weekend road trip to LA!!!!!

2009-04-24T10:10:00.000-07:00

Everything is packed and ready to go!! I'm only taking my backpack and a few things. Willie is picking me up at the Hard Rock hotel at 4 pm. He probably already thinks I'm a whore spending all my time at the casino! Coretta, this pretty black girl they just hired, braided my hair and it looks so pretty. I don't want it to get all messed up ridin' so she offered to do it for me. She is really pretty, she has red curly hair now but it changes a lot she said. Beatrice our kitchen manager just got her hair braided too, but it looks better on me ;)

I'm very excited about this trip! Jules asked me if I even know what Willies last name is? Well, no I don't. She's just bein' paranoid. I'm strong and can protect myself so I know it'll be okay. I'm only takin' $400 with me. He's the man and should pay for everything! I told daddy I was going to LA, he wants me to be careful, he said only crazy people are in LA. That's not true he's just old fashioned.