I'm alive.

Lord I know I push the limits. Right now I'm living in a tent in a campground in Arlington, Texas. Orlando got me all messed up, I lost everything. I remember going out trying to make some money, smokin' a bunch of dope with some guys and waking up in a nasty crack house days later. I didn't know where I was. Some guy named "Black" kept me in business and kept me high so I just went with it I guess. You get past ashamed and what you're doing is just existing minute to next.

Where is Jules? Danny? My lap top? I have held on to that damn thing since rehab. My daddy bought that for me to write while I was in rehab it was helping me stay focused or somethin' my counselor said I need to get my feelings out. I'll never be clean and not an addict. That's why I keep running I guess. Seein' if I can out run my need for crack or meth. I still can't recall everything that happened to me over the last few weeks. I do know Thomas brought me here and for this day I'm okay.

Thomas is a paper quality rep. or something like that who was in Winter Garden, FL for a newspaper convention or some shit I don't know, anyway he literally found me past out near the ladies room of a gas station. I don't remember much of this. He said I was blurry and kinda beat-up. I know Black had me pimped out to whoever but where I stayed during that time I don't much recall. He blacked my eye real good, it still hurts some. Thomas really saved my life. I'm sure Black would have come back for me probably would have killed me who knows? Thomas fed me, I swear I hadn't eaten in a days, we talked and drank enough coffee to be almost human and he asked if I wanted to get out of town. He's married that's why I'm stayin' at this campground.

When I got here I slept for 3 days. Hell I think I slept most of the way here! After that I went through you need to just sit and sleep, eat and balance out your head for a week or so. Thomas comes and sees me. He's not happy in his marriage, I'm just here, he talks I listen. For now it works. I kinda like the openness of this campground, it's pretty here, big trees and outdoor showers. I think I took about 3 showers a day since I got here! He'll leave me $20 or so and I'll get cigarettes and snacks from the store. I'm alive, I don't know why but I have some purpose to be on this planet.