Band aids.

Yesterday was really fun and that good mood carried right through the night. Bill went to the Wal-mart again and I rode with him. We shopped around he likes my company, I also had clipped some coupons for him saved him damn near $15! It's fun hangin' with him, it's like having another father. He don't want sex from me, just female company. I told him to buy dryer sheets so his towels won't feel like sandpaper. He wondered how his wife always had the laundry soft and smelling good, he had no idea it was something as easy as a dryer sheet!?!?! He talks about her a lot, I know he misses her everyday.

After the trip to Wal-mart I made spaghetti for dinner. I make good spaghetti, but everyone says that. Hard to mess up spaghetti, although once I saw at a truck stop diner BBQ spaghetti, which just sounds nasty. Bill told me I was too young to spend every night in a trailer park swatin' flies, so he wanted to take me somewhere anywhere he said! Well, I figured this bar I'd seen in the paper was doing a live band show, sounded like fun so that's where I went. I only had $10 so I was flirtin' for drinks. Worked pretty good, I just drank cause that's what you do in a bar hold a cold one. I watched the band and let them just carry me away, it was nice to hear old songs I could sing to and just let the sound pass through me. I stayed till last call and caught a ride home with this guy from the band. They'll be in town for another week maybe I'll see them again. It was a fun night out, there was a lady bartender there that looked just like me but older. We talked off and on through out the night, she likes the band too. Maybe she is my mother I always think that when I see women that look like me.

I have never met my mother. My daddy won't talk about her either. No one in my family will say much about her. In high school I wanted to find her but since I'm 33 and she never wanted to know me I gave up on that notion. I don't look like my daddy so I must look like her. Maybe she's happy somewhere and never looks back. Nothing I can do about that. I do know you can't make people like you. Mothers are suppose to have a deep maternal connection to their children so I hear. My girlfriend Tasha has 5 kids, when one of them kids gets hurt she says she can feel their pain. I believe her too, I was at her house some years ago when her youngest fell off his bike, he just had a scratched up knee but you would've thought it was hers the way she took to him. I watched her clean and dress his knee and when he was jumpin' off the kitchen counter trying to get back to that damn bike her face was relaxed again, the pain was gone and we went back to talking and things were good. Things like that I notice with moms and kids and know that's what I'm missing from my soul.